i am a medical doctor

again with the walking

2008-03-05T20:54:00.003-06:00

dearest my neglected patients,
i would apologize for having been gone so long, except that i don't feel like it. there's plenty of other forms of contact. and now that i have a blogging job, it just sometimes feels like work. but anyhow... i'm walking again. which is good though not as fucking ecstatic as i thought it would be when i wasn't walking. life is still hard, maybe even harder, when able to walk. i'm sure you all understand this phenomenon, since most of you are missing a limb or two. so i won't go on and on about it. i'm in a bit of a mood, 'cause i went to therapy today. doctor on doctor processing. usually therapy makes me feel pretty good, but not always and today was a not always day. i really wanted to cry when i left, but then i was on a crowded subway and then in class. neither particularly appropriate places for letting it all out. and now i'm home, and the impulse seems to have passed. but maybe if i just have a few more beers it will return. here's a mood barometer for you: i keep having that quasi song in my head "california."

life is dull
life is gray
at its' best it's just okay
but i'm happy to report
life is also short

heh. but just temper. there's lots of awesomeness ahead. texas for one. well, mainly that. but it's so much. i can't even stand it. only 9 more days. then this doctor will get his well deserved vacation from all the illness that exists in nyc and go to the uber-healthy land of austin, where all is well.

piss in this, then put it in the window,
dr. blam

i am officially a centanarian

2007-11-07T11:39:00.000-06:00

dearest the devoted and ailing,
it's true. i'm 100 years old. well this is my 100th post. same diff. and i'd like to say that i've changed and grown so much as a doctor in the last three plus years. but mostly i still feel just the same as when i was a young resident. scared and insecure and excited and nervous and angsty and prone to overwhelming emotions and occasionally overly rational and sometimes self destructive and a slave to my desires and rebellious and needy and stubborn and suddenly filled with profound epiphanies. and i don't know who i'm writing this for anymore, if i ever did. all i know is that it's totally different than writing something that no one will ever read and also different than writing something specifically to entertain others. it's an occasionally dangerous hybrid, but one that i've grown to appreciate in a certain way. i need to air out all my foibles in this way. otherwise they might take over. but just so all you readers (secret and otherwise) remember to take it all with a grain of salt. i mostly write when i'm drunk or feeling really excellent or really dismal and i mostly harp on my own particular brand of nurse weakness. and sometimes i say mean things (see entry titled Mean But True). and even though i still feel incredibly teenage, i imagine i must have come a little tiny ways and maybe part of that is because of this doctor's log. and therapy. and some of my important, challenging and amazing relationships with a couple of you other doctors. blah blah. anniversary shows are always kind of boring. just imagine a couple of clips of vomiting or singing right now to spice things up. i actually do feel slightly nauseous. that's it. really no more disgusto cigarettes. and i'm going to get my hand out of my scrub pants and see ten patients today. and do my broken leg exercises. and drink my juice. and you drink your juice!

don't worry, it's easy to swallow,
dr. blamblo m.d. (mock decapitator)

it's a pity party and you're invited

2007-11-01T14:19:00.000-05:00

dear amputated pieces,
we are gathered here today to feel sorry for the good doctor who has worked so hard to save so many lives and alleviate so much suffering from the world and who in turn receives always the same crap treatment from nurses. we must play for him a thousand tiny violins and a very very melancholy dirge as he rolls around in his wheelchair feeling horribly sorry for himself and throwing things in child-like fits of hysterics. we must soothe him and not agree when he yells that he is unlovable and unattractive and unappealing and undesirable. we must bring him ice cream and pizza as he lays in bed on a snotty pillow and wallows over a nurse who sucks a giant bowl of dicks. we must be understanding and compassionate as he curses himself for being so incredibly obtuse and so deluded as to think things could turn out any other way. to think that just maybe she felt something too. and most of all we must tell him that he's a good doctor and that he'll find the right nurse someday and that we think that one nurse is a total a-hole and tell him he's not alone even though he claims to feel like he's floating inside a black hole/void of nothingness.
don't forget the black streamers!
-the rational blamblo

i must have forgotten to knock on wood

2007-10-09T08:33:00.000-05:00

dearest the hurt,
well, now i too have joined your ranks as patient in pain. remember just a bit ago when things were so good? well i must have jinxed it somehow. not that all those things are negated. they are not. i still have an amazing place to live. school and work will presumably still be there when i am casted and crutching faster and farther. it's true that i don't feel tremendously sexy with a dead weight of a leg always trailing behind, but i don't feel like an ogre either. and even though the all-too brief time of fun sex with a fellow m.d. seems to be over, and i did at long-last develop tender feelings that snuck up from behind like a thief in the night, at least i had good times and i don't really mind the feelings. it reminds me of my humanness. and everything's going to be ok. i'm cradling myself and whispering it in my own ear, since you all are separated from me by the vast miles of cyberspace. luckily my bedside manner is so good that it even works on myself. soothe soothe. anyhow it's all too familiar. broken legs are familiar. feelings for people who are unavailable eight ways from sunday are familiar. being on vicadin all day is familiar. discomfort is an old friend. also though, i still have the best friends in the world to call and visit and nurse me back to health. thank the heavens for that.
ouch i love you,
dr. blamblo m.d. (majorly debilitated)

things are almost too freakin good

2007-09-21T11:25:00.000-05:00

to my ailing and demented patients,
too bad for you, cause things are tip top with me. really. for once. so good. moving into a new apartment, excuse me, building. that's right a whole building. with two bathrooms, and a band room and two outdoor spaces and washer dryer connections (gotta keep my lab coat sparkling white). and i don't even have to be a doctor to afford it (even though i am one). also a new gig in anesthesiology that is really going well (despite the long hours). and the new hospital is good, better than the last year, for sure. and i've been riding and riding my bike. and the other night i had really hot sex on the seventh floor of a partially constructed condo that we snuck into. and i'm learning all about wine. (i think i really need to quit smoking to appreciate the subtlety of flavors though). and mostly i just feel good. even though i am soo busy. and i miss my sweet patients. i feel like i could prescribe you just the right amount of pills, love and band-aids right now.
your doc,
blamblo

too personal for the interweb really

2007-08-23T17:58:00.000-05:00

but who gives a fuck? because no one reads this.

It is always like this when life is in shambles that things start to seem really real. The rest of the time I’m floating through this sort of haze that is every person’s life: of work, of school, of bars, of sitting in front of the computer, of pissing and shitting and sleeping and eating. And then I quit my job and sleep with a girl that I can’t stop thinking about and every time I think about her sparks shoot through me. And on the 22nd day of August I go out and get wasted as usual and meet some interesting people and then feel sad the next day because I was the only one who didn’t hook up with anyone. Well not the only one in the world. But it sort of felt that way. And I know, I know it’s probably just all the drinking that makes me feel achey in the chest and that girl, as much as I can’t wait to fuck her again isn’t going to give me that love thing that we are all searching for and I’m judging my roommate for being unable to be honest about her feelings, but what the fuck are my feelings? They are just as elusive and transitory as hers. I am also jealous and unwilling to admit it. I am also lonely and insecure and longing for someone to want me. I am also seeking adventures to boast about and relive under the covers in the afternoon with my fan blowing the smell of fried chicken into the room. I am also in love and not in love and infatuated and completely unaffected. My horoscope says I have the power to create with my words but I can’t even think of what it is that I would create. I mean what words? What would I create? A perfect girl for me? Can I really forge her out of times new roman text 12 pt. text? How could I presume to create a person? Would I make her like all the same music and books as me and if she didn’t, how could I create her interests outside of mine? Would her diminutive stature just be a reflection of my two most recent fucks or I am really extraordinarily attracted to short girls? Or is it only their small hands? And if I met the girl that I created, would I tell her, “I created you!”? That would be weird.

okay that's it for now.
blam

2007-07-03T09:14:00.000-05:00

thank god for crews

2007-06-13T22:36:00.001-05:00

dearest nearest patients,
i can only thank my lucky stars that i have such a wonderful crew of doctors and nurses to hang out with. we're even gonna have a bike gang, with windbreakers and everything! and old doc jean has a portable speaker and her red purse hanging from her handle bars and we're gonna roll around town like we own it. and now that specialists suzie q and tiffany have moved to town, our numbers have strengthened. as has my endurance to tequila. and my will to live. and to prescribe. take a little of this and a little of that! and call me in the morning! ok. i'm wasted. goodnight.
-
blambrose cose m.d.

it's like riding a bike

2007-06-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

to the disabled and dying,
your doctor has been horribly amiss in his duties as a blogger in this realm. but has been blogging his heart out in a more professional one. (http://www.newnownext.com) but i know that doesn't make it any better. actually, you might all have already succumbed to the grim reaper and i might be typing away into a void. this is ok, too. although it's nice to think about having an actual audience. even if they are bleeding and bandaged. i found a new good angsty band. pela. i'm listening to them right now and it's making me feel all tortured and wonderful. but mostly it is like christmas morning because nurse petroliunas and i just got BIKES! we had to go all the way to sheepshead bay but it was worth it. i got a blue ROSS 3-speed and she got this pretty smokin' japanese bike that's black. now we can attack the summer on two wheels instead of two legs. with the wind blowing through my tiny hairs. my stethoscope banging in the breeze. and bugs in my teeth. i can't wait! i also just read a blog i maybe shouldn't have. do you remember that nurse i was infatuated with for like an entire year? of course you don't. how can you keep them all separate, when i don't even give them names? anyhow, just the other day i missed actual her. not even my crush or my idea of her, but just running into her from time to time and our banter or whatever. because of my issue with drunken emailing and maybe just circumstance, this is not even conceivable anymore. last time i saw her, she rolled her eyes and avoided mine. but anyhow. point being. she's getting married. crazytown. i was so convinced we would at least date at some point. it seemed like fate. and truly, i don't throw that word around. but anyhow that is all in the past. and i don't know why it seems a little depressing. mainly probably because my new nurse crush hasn't rung me up in a few days. she is excellent but i have already acted like a giant cheeseball at least five times. i can only hope she finds cheeseball appealing. maybe? i think i'm going to give my notice at the clinic tomorrow. seems like past time. or just time. time.
goodnight bunions,
blamblo

gee it's not spring yet

2007-04-13T17:07:00.000-05:00

hello my little sickly ducklings,
you may be ill, but you're not ugly and i sincerely doubt any of you will turn out to be swans, more likely geese, with all your honking. i however will always be simply a chicken. but sometimes i am not so scared and i finally get around to doing things that should be done and maybe i'm a little more like a rooster, not to be gender-whatever. i am so tired lately. like a stuffed bird. can't flap. flap. peck. peck. pck. could be mono. probably not. i haven't been sick all winter despite being surrounded by many incredibly contagious people. it must be the rubber gloves that protect me. i think maybe this doctor is just purely worn out with all the usual activities: throat swabs, belly prods, ear gazing, node feeling, lab work, networking, running back and forth with my lab coat behind me like a cape and working so hard to have a good bedside manner. zzzzz. op, i'm up, i'm up. but aside from the exhaustion, i am real good. i have my little routines and my lovely apartment where i can stroll about in only pajama pants and no one screams at my pale, hairless chest. i've been working out and, well, it doesn't show yet. but i have some hope it might someday. the ankle of doom seems to be doing a little better. i can almost hop and walk real fast sometimes. these things are exciting. i might be able to permanently retire the cane, or at least until i'm actually old and not just old-like. right? right. okay you don't blow so hard. and you take twelve and call me late late at night. i'll be waiting by my pager.
rubber glove love,
dr. blamblo blamblington m.d.

up your nose with a rubber hose

2007-02-10T23:25:00.000-06:00

dearest my nearly departed,
though i know it is worse for you because you are dying, i must complain for a bit first. I won't even talk about my job. the hacking off of limbs and all the blood etc. it's not even that. it's all the other things for which there are no pills or surgeries. well maybe there are surgeries, but how effective are they? will quality of life be better? or do we just not know ourselves that well? do we overpredict our happiness and sadness and incorrectly choose our path to happiness? some scientists think so. descartes thinks it is possible to make no errors, if we only reign in our will to fit our intellect. cogito ergo sum. but chekhov thinks maybe this is the problem. "i think and think, and cannot think of anything. and however much i were to think and however far i were to scatter my thoughts, it is clear to me that the main thing, something very important, is lacking in my desires. in my partiality for science, in my desire to live, in my sitting here on a strange bed and in my longing to know myself, in all my thoughts, feelings, and concepts about everything, there is no common link, there is nothing that might bind it together in one whole. each thought and feeling lives in me separately, and the most skilful analyst could not discover what is known as a ruling idea or what might be called the god of the living man in all my opinions of science, the theatre, literature, students and all the pictures my imagination conjures up. And if that is not there, nothing is there." woah. sorry i only write form the depths of menstruation, vicadin and all night benders of Friday Night Lights. (which is like a jar full of heavenly jelly) i'll probably feel better tomorrow. for my patients' sake, i hope so.
always always always,
dr. blamblo m.d. (minorly depraved)

holidays drag and days are rarely remembered

2007-01-04T02:16:00.000-06:00

hello all my dearest sweetest,
a little tipsy after a few of my new winter drink (white russians). obviously i am obsessed with everything ruskie and also everything moral and also everything crime. but mostly i have just been watching veronica mars. and i know what you're thinking. you're a pedophile who's obsessed with teenage girls. but this is just not true. i just like mysteries. and teenage angst. a disturbing piece of news from my true crime research: a lot of female serial killers are nurses. creepy. okay on to my lack-of-a-love-life. because i know you're all just boiling in your seats, because i can never write without mentioning it. well, i guess i haven't completely gotten over the youngish, my employee nurse. this is ok though, because normally it is not an issue and i've just learned to live with it. if she would just stop being so fucking adorable, that would help. but she cannot. and for some reason, i occasionally experience profound bouts of jealousy.
the holidays were shite. thanksgiving was depressing. christmas was blase. and new years was less than. luckily i've still retained my can-do spirit. somehow. i'll write more soon. i have a lot to say. but i'm too drunk right now.
love and worse things,
blamblo

something to remember

2006-11-24T20:13:00.000-06:00

if everything were fantastic, what would be the point?

love and hate

2006-11-22T13:17:00.001-06:00

dearest concerned patients and citizens,
don't worry. i'm fine. i managed to cement the old bastard organ in place. there will be no gooey mess as threatened. at least not right now. but the streak, the crazy streak of out-of-towner, one-night hookups is baffling. maybe it has finally come to an end, but who knows? (i speak as though i have no choice in the matter). hmmm. but this thanksgiving is all about alone time in pajamas. just the doc and his vices and his pjs alone in his apartment. don't worry this isn't sad and lonely (well a little), i'll go over somewhere for dinner and company. but the cave of alone time seems necessary. need to restore order. figure things out. mull over patterns and actions and nonactions and reactions. plus nurse shark will be here soon, so i must get in a lot of alone time now before it's too late.
annoying things around me lately: a young girl shamed about her weight by a diner waitress trying to get her to order whole wheat bread instead of white. cell phone chick number 529 talking about her acting career and philosophy on life so loudly in the middle of my waiting room. the skeezy pervo customer making comments about me to my employees. too much white around the pupils of certain crazy eyed people with crazy russian hats. children. etc. etc.
but there are also many things to love. my view out my window. bowling. my favorite patients with my favorite diseases. my comfortable bed. goat cheese. plonk. etc. etc.

my heart still beats for you all underneath it's prison of concrete,
doctor blamblo

a mess

2006-11-16T11:02:00.000-06:00

dear smitten souls,
the doctor is in big trouble. his unruly, undisciplined heart is attempting to leap from his chest and land in the lap of a certain highly qualified professional. it would be very messy for everyone involved. a lot of goo and whatnot. goo that stretches across some oceans. who has the anecdote to this type of thing? referrals?
blam slam dunk blamberton

goodbye

2006-11-06T21:57:00.000-06:00

it's even tattoed on my wrist dearest patients,
and yet still i have problems embracing it. i want to be able to appreciate the bittersweetness of it with at least a modicum of acceptance. but i am bratty and want what i want. and i can't stop listening to the arcade fire ep. it is too good. too bittersweet. almost done with crime and punishment. and i can't quite wrap my brain around dostoyevsky. he is a strict moralist. but i keep wanting to find the ways in which he doesn't live by the extremes he argues for. probably in the same way that i am always judging myself for judging. and also just judging. generally. and i just take issue with so much of it but at the same time i agree with some. and i am just compelled by some of it. like this notion of the nobility of suffering. but he thinks we should suffer because christ suffered and that is certainly not my line. and he argues against so many things that i believe in like social liberalism. certainly crime would exist without poverty and certainly many poverty stricken people are not criminals but i still believe that the imposition of poverty on people does cause a lot of crime. poverty is demoralizing. but so is being really rich i think. ach. there's so much to mull over. life also. not just dostoyevsky. today i was so depleted of happy chemicals (probably from lack of sleep and excessive drinking)((okay and also i hated to say goodbye)) that i thought about quitting my job and new york felt suffocating and i thought generally about giving up, whatever that means. i guess it means i felt like my ambition was a farce and that i might as well wade around in the mire of human relationships and give up all other aspirations. because i feel like i'm not getting anywhere with them. but dr. storm made me laugh and dr. jean made me smile and dr. plonk soothed me and i ate and that always makes me feel better. plus coffee of course. and a good end of the day conversation with specialist azios. and i even danced a little in my empty apartment when i got home. which leads me to the talking heads. always back to that song. it could mean something. i'm too tired to make anymore sense of any of it tonight. but goodbye for now. this moment is over but there will be other moments. lots of them.
the doc

cravings

2006-10-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

to all my texans with fatal illnesses,
don't worry! i am coming! i will be your hospice and your damp washcloth. i will not be your bedpan, unless you're really really lucky. but i will be your last cool drink of water and hand to grab when it hurts and when you're scared. but only for four days, so speed up those expected hours till your loved ones' bereavements. i can catch you all up on things in the big city when i return but basically it is all as expected. when real opportunities come around, i turn white like a ghost with black racoon circles for eyes and run run run away screeching. i would obviously rather pine and pine for inappropriate and unavailable nurses you know. but it really feels like i can't help it. like the doc has extreme physical reactions one way or the other. anyhow i guess some time out of town will do me some good. i can stop giving the foregone conclusion nurse little presents and i can go real slow with maybe actually a possibility nurse. or maybe in my sick mind, forgone nurse can miss me a little and i can put off reality for a while. whatever, whatever. regardless. oh the only thing that actually is different. for now at least. is that i have not smoked one little puff on one little cigarette in 12 days, motherfuckers! hopefully the current bloody waterfall will wash away the last of the cravings. okay dr. plonenfeffer is here and we have to go have a business breakfast at donuts a luncheonette. see you in a week!
dr. blamblo m.d.

revelations and people with no class

2006-09-21T19:47:00.000-05:00

dear beloved ill ones,
i am in a slightly manic state. probably from wanking off like 3 times today and that was really about it from 8 am to 4 pm. and also from then my heady flight into the city, buying equipment and accoutrements, lugging them around and to a staff meeting where a couple of people were just fucking ridiculous. and i know sometimes people think i'm ridiculous but gimme a fuckin break. but more on that in a sec. then i whirlwinded home, am probably getting ditched by most recent nurse crush and i smell like pee and i'm wearing a sweatshirt with a kitten named marshmallow on it. two sips of my sierra nevada, a cigarette lit and a little of the most recent mogwai playing and i just had to sit down and write you guys some shit. hold on. i'm gonna call the nurse one last time. okay. yeah. no answer. fucking figures. well bully for me, i get to see her tomorrow and try not to act like a hurt kid. anyhow back to the stupid people in the meeting.
"i asked for this and this is not this."
"how is it not that?"
"tell me how is it that?"
"well how do you define that?"
and on and on ad naseum. my precious hourly rate was really getting used up. and i finally said it was ridiculous and then they said "how is it ridiculous?" "can you define ridiculous?" and slumped in my chair a defeated muppet. plus they were both being so confrontational about essentially nothing and it was AWKWARD as Specialist Straussnpepper would say. The new hospital just isn't as great this year as it has been. poor choices of rounds on my part i suppose.

okay and on to revelations. sometime after 3rd wank, around the time i was getting in the shower, i realized a stupid cliche of a thing. that you have to risk something (usually failure) to get where or what you want. and that i usually don't. that i'm real good at playing the middle ground and hedging my bets and taking the safest road and never being vulnerable. and it's time it stopped. things are gonna change. oh are they. this involves all aspects of my life but especially:
the ank
my portly figure
nurses
smoking
anyhow it doesn't sound like much, but it feels really important. importantly important. full of portent.
thanks for listening.
if anyone's listening.
blam

goodbye ann

2006-09-19T13:37:00.000-05:00

dear killjoys,
i am so sad about ann richards death. and generally i'm a bit irritable. i had my first nightmare in years last night. i woke up from it and almost had to turn the light on. i got a kitchen table that is awesome and i found a chair yesterday on 5th ave and carried it all the way home to brooklyn. i think i'm at that phase in my crush where i feel bad more than excited. ugh. but tonight. whiskey.
love,
blamblo

a plague

2006-09-06T00:56:00.000-05:00

Dearest patients,
To no one's surprise I have another crush on a nurse who works for me. But she is amazing! And I am like a tiny doctor with a toy stethoscope and I am daydreaming all over town, taking the pulse from tree limbs and checking the wind passages of parking meters. There is a high probability that she is not interested in a doctor like me. And there is a high probability that I am in danger of getting sued. But I cannot help myself in the least. She is totally fucking exquisite. Like a classical painting or the virtual recreation of someone I could never have possibly dreamt of. Except she already has inhabited my dreams. And tomorrow I'm back to the new hospital after a break and I inaugurated myself with four jameson's on the rocks and a grilled cheese. And the quintessential nurse I found out is pursuing her father fantasy which I'm not exactly sure why I don't fit into. And everything feels hypercolor. And people seem less than real. And life seems a little too easy. So probably someone will die soon. Not that I'm not used that. Or I should be. But I'm not. Even though I'm a doctor. And I miss more than anyone and talk about more than anyone a certain professor in Chicago who I can barely barely live without. Because he is a genius that helps me get things done and figure myself out. To sleep with this disillusioned doctor with predictable crushes with predictable outcomes.
Dont chew on your hangnails,
blambrose blamberson blaustin

moving day

2006-08-14T22:47:00.000-05:00

dear festering wounds,
i am packing and packing and my labcoat is sticking to me and i need to shave what's left of my hair because it is flying in all directions and my glasses are crooked and i just talked to professor darkling for like four hours about the nature of black holes and the class issues associated with decent medical care these days. but i am somehow, barely, impossibly keeping it together. probably everything is stuck together by the tar produced by my excessive smoking of cigarettes. viscous. recently i have been:
to see stand up comedy with dr. bunrah
swimming in the atlantic ocean (though not "boogie boarding")
eating too much ice cream
not riding my bike
making a lot of impossible lists
daydreaming somewhat
nurse-free
the usual amount of drunk and stoned
pretty darned contented
please send me color swatches for my new apartment. i desperately need decorating advice.

don't go chasin' papercuts,
love,
blam

my blamblo face

2006-08-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

a cornucopia

2006-08-03T21:19:00.001-05:00

dearest lovely flowers,
the baddies have passed thanks to many great occurences all in one day. it was a sweltering monday in july and i awoke to the sound of my cell phone bleeping. it was the landlords that never return calls, calling to say i got my dream apartment! i will live there forever and it will be amazing. then i went to the clinic and was very productive. i saved four lives (only killed one person) and innoculated an entire neighborhood of children against syphilis. then i went over to dr. fake's and helped him paint and sweated out all toxins. then i met up with numero uno nurse and we had the best night ever. it was a big pie slice of fucking paradise, i tell you. i said the most ridiculous things that you are never supposed to tell anyone, but they were all true and i didn't even feel dumb the next day. and then yesterday dr. scooby and i went to the Met and were very cultured and looked at art and then hiked across the park and all the way up to columbia and almost got heatstroke but then had amazing mexican food with dr. van hoose. darkness threatened when i got an email from the director of the clinic accusing me of thieving pharmaceuticals for my own private stash. but it was averted when i wrote a brilliant email back and now i even have the schedule i want. but i am dehydrated and in danger of only shitting pellets like a rabbit. and i have no clean lab coats, so what ever will i wear tomorrow? but those are all minor in comparison to the ecstasy that is mine.
may you have ecstasy as well,
your dearest doc,
blam blam thank you ma'am

Blamblo Dangles

2006-07-28T11:40:00.000-05:00

Dearest patients with horrible skin conditions,
At least in the summer we are all like you. We all have blotches and bumps and redness. It is all mysterious. It could be heat rash, or from sweating, or from chaffing or bug bites. Who knows? All we know is that we long for summer all winter and now that it is here, we don't even know what to do with ourselves. How about a movie and ac? What's more is that i wake up sweating if i sleep too late, but i still sleep too late. Probably because i'm having a tinge of the baddies. The old bugger that does love to attack in middle of summer. The slothful unproductiveness, what-kind-of-excuse-for-a-doctor-are-you's? I mean I am working my doctorly bum off at the clinic, but I've been on leave from the hospital for a couple of months and my own private practice is completely constipated. And there are no nurses in this town. Well maybe there is one. We shall see. There's almost always maybe one. She's a famous nurse. And we share all the same interests in blood pressure, bacne, blue balls, and barbituates. But i just learned her name yesterday, so there's a way to go. In the meantime, I'm going to wallow a little and be on the internet a lot. But not too much for too long.
Yours, chronically,
Blamblo

and just when we thought it was over

2006-07-09T23:15:00.000-05:00

angst.
you know what i'm talking about people. when you thought you'd had a birthday and matured and gotten over all your dumb bullshit. but then you realize that you're still prone to unrealistic bullshit crushes. it's still the slutty, younger, bisexual brunettes. equals says dr. darkling unavailable. no fucking shit. but it's more than that somehow. this nurse is making me sweat when it's 60 degrees out. and it's not just because she's a total hottie. shit. she's also really authoratative. and of course an amazing genius. but of course it's doomed and of course i had the opportunity tonight to say, listen nurse we can't go on in this ambiguity, i'm totally into you but clearly you are unavailable. so no more spooning. got it?

do you guys get it?
do you guys know why this doctor is perpetually blotto?
perpetually douchey?
perpetually?

more later.
dr. blam

why can't we live in a hotel all the time?

2006-06-23T21:23:00.000-05:00

was a big hit by the olsen twins. pre-boyfriends and anorexia, the twins were concerned with other things. i feel sometimes like i share their sentiment. i'm catsitting, again. this is at least the eighth time i've pet/housesat since i moved to new york. i am becoming brooklyn's official petsitter. but in some ways it's like living in a hotel. always away on business. sometimes there's good cable and like ice cream. but sometimes, there's no air conditioning or tv. sometimes the animals are sweet, sometimes distant, sometimes annoying. point being there are pluses and minuses. which is no point i suppose. i just wanted to work in that song name somehow.

my birthday is coming up. one week from today. 48. wow. time for a hearing aid. bifocals. comfortables shoes. and cabining. and jacuzzying. or however one would say that. this tired doctor needs a vacation. patients are starting to look like either dead bodies, cheetahs or deranged escapees. ya know? R&R. that's all i need. also now i must go to bed. in order to get my not quite eight, probably almost seven, six at worst hours of sleep before my shift at the hospital tomorrow.

also weird dreams lately: girls going "mao" "maow" "maoh" then i woke up and it was the cats.
masturbating in my dream to a fantasy of having sex with these repulsive human being who i had a crush on when i was 15.
dr. bobo's asian stalker stalking me.
giant tomatoes floating in space.
people in bunny costumes.

also i'm a nervous nelly lately. an anxious anne. i think the doctor needs to get laid. correct me if i'm wrong. what me? wrong? never. ach.

the doc

the best summer ever!

2006-05-27T14:17:00.000-05:00

to the weary and overwrought,
your uniquely gifted doctor is a bit worn out. but in a good way. i have finished a seasonal stint at the new hospital, moved to ft. greene and worked my butt off at the clinic (constant chaos it is). i also went to see the new x men movie last night, which some might say was bad, but i thought was very entertaining. especially the part where callisto's labret piercing sizzled. and i like it how all the bad mutants look like queer anarchists. and i realized that jean gray looks just like my friend dr. kirby.
also i'm reading the black dahlia right now, which has a really cool bisexual character in it. and the best boxing scene. crime fiction: it's my new thing. maybe i'll give up the medical profession and become a PI. like magnum. yeah.
summer seems to be officially here and i'm all about it people. despite the plagues of mosquitos, heat rashes, stinkiness and people in flip flop, i think it's gonna be the best summer yet. my optimism is unyielding.
in nurse news: there is none! i know, i know, i can't believe it either. but it's pretty cool at the moment to just be an independent doctor with no yanked heart strings or umbilical chords.
in lifestyle news: i'm still drinking and smoking too much and i'm currently paranoid about gout, emphesyma and arrythmia. but i'm trying to chill on the overpartying and drink mate instead of lattes occasionally. gotta get my medibike in working order. the same as always. i'm starting to bore myself.
write, call, ask for a new prescription, tell me your ailments. i miss you all.
cephalitic smooches,
dr. blamblo blamberson m.d.

shitfaced times two

2006-05-06T17:52:00.000-05:00

to the shivering and blind,
i have somehow made it through two nights of extreme, incorrigable drunkeness. i didn't even lose my stethoscope or get rolled on the subway. this morning two children accosted me about why i smoke. they said, "are your lungs black?" and "you're gonna die." i curled up in a ball until they went away. last night on the train platform, there was a guy praying in a loud, rolling voice on his knees and moving his arms up and down. it was just us two. i settled down twenty feet away with my back against a column trying to understand what he might be saying. eventually he stopped and walked over to me with his rolly suitcase. he said,, "you doin ya homwork?" his voice was so weird. it was all slurred together and really hard for me to understand. also i was shitfaced. anyhow the train came and he talked to me the whole time, but i could barely understand any of it. i think he was trying to convert me though. he asked me what i did when i felt like overemotional or something, with too many thoughts and i said i drank. he thought that was dumb. anyhow i liked him. also at the party that i was coming from and that i had gotten so drunk at, there was this one crazy broad. she had a mullet and the best crowsfeet. we talked a lot and then we attempted to throw popcorn in each other's mouths and then we danced and my one-drink plan, turned into who-knows-how-many plus a couple shots of tequila. and then we had a conversation towards the end of the night that i only sort of remember about how she wasn't a nurse. which i guess is because we were flirting and stuff. i was like that's fine. but then she was like well i've done nursing like activities and all but i'm trying to get over some italian shit. and i was like that's fine. you're hot. we're having fun. you're whatever you are. thanks for clearing it up. but really you look like such a nurse. and then she gave me her number. whatever. lately i am so lambasted about people's identities. what is it not cool to be in the medical profession anymore? how come everyone who hits on me lately is a layperson? it's so weird and dumb. my therapist wondered aloud yesterday where do i find these people. i said they're just everywhere.
on a brighter note, specialist ace is in town and i am going shortly to meet up with him and boomchicaboom in williamsburg. we had good times the night before last, running into nurse welch on the lower east side and drinking countless whiskeys and going to the bathroom for a little wink wink and ending up in a bar with fake stalagtites. i really can't drink much tonight i think or i'll die. but we'll see what actually happens. don't pray for me. my condition is already diagnosed.
good night and good luck,
dr blamblo

as always the question is

2006-03-02T20:15:00.000-06:00

how big of a sap am i?
sam spade says he wont play the sap for any woman and i, doctor blamblo, for some reason feel the need to play the sap for every woman. but i never claimed to be hard-boiled, as much as i wish i was. i'm probably more soft-boiled. ew. anyways i can't stop listening to Workin by the Miles Davis Quintet. It's so good. I'm probably the last person on earth to discover this but i've never felt completely comfortable with "jazz". my hair is much too long. i've taken to drinking much too much coffee. and i'm a big ol sap tree. but aside from those inescapable realities things are pretty smooth for the doc. got a shitload of patients with a crapload of diseases and am busy and i like what i do. thinking about getting drunk tonight. but it is slushville outside so maybe i'll stay in with scout the dog i'm sitting for the weekend. ach. that's it for now. i know it stings. i'll blow on it. there there.
blamblo

optometry

2006-02-20T23:03:00.000-06:00

dearest near and far sighted, also blind and astigmatic,
you'll have to excuse my incoherent rambling. (everything today has started with a preface of one kind or another). but i'm trying to work out this idea. about being curious about how others see us and also about trying to shape how others see us. the internet plays into this with the form of blogs (like this one for instance) and friendster and all that hoopla. we are creating a very specific identity to project to other people. obviously not the most honest one but maybe not that far off from what we project in unmediated life, because how honest is that one? an example: i'm having problems writing this at the moment because i'm afaid of coming off too obsessed with profounduity or cheesey or obvious or whatever. i'm so used to filtering what i write through obviously delusional ideas about what other people will think when they read it. it's a real pickle. here's a brain teaser: am i funny because i just think funny things and am trying to amuse myself or am i funny because it's this really sneekily specific way of interacting with people and making them like you and let their guard down? either way, it doesn't really matter. just interesting to think about for a second.
but the real pickle at hand dear ones, is certainly interrelated but more specific. How can one bit of information change your entire perspective on a person? Or how can you feel one way one moment about someone and another the next? It is so weird and hard to process for me. And with the person in question I have already had several paradigm shifts. It is always different and impossible to predict. I'm sort of not used to my emotions acting this way. They're pretty sticky and stubborn and persistent to change. And i can't figure out what things are affecting them. It is all too confusing to figure out right now i suppose, if at all. anyhow i'm in bed and i'm staying her for 5 more hours till work in the a.m.
most certainly yours, if anything could be certain really,
the doctor

aha!

2006-02-10T12:17:00.000-06:00

"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by the removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient". ~ Ambrose Bierce in The Devil's Dictionary

i'm changing professions

2006-02-02T19:36:00.000-06:00

dear all my new customers,
i have decided to become a psychic medium. i think that i will help more people, be liked better and get to change my outfit more. Plus I should be able to play with just as many interesting actrouments: crystal balls, candles, jangly bracelets etc. Anyhow the thing i thought maybe i detected about the nurse? Right on the money! Gleam in eye=used the phrase "friends with benefits"! Can you believe that? Do you know how old that line is to me? Is it my teddy bear like demeanor? Why does every nurse just want to be my friend? Ugh. You know, in the end, yada yada yada, it's for the best, I dont want a half-assed nurse, I want a nurse to be excited and happy, it's best to know know before i get really attached, but it doesn't mean i'm not sniffing the pillow that smells like her shampoo and feeling a little shitty. Plus it raises all the usual existential questions. Will I die alone? Is there such a thing as true love? or as Dr. Bronstadian says just economic arrangements. Am i lovable, or even ultimately attractive to nurses? And not because I expected her to be some end all be all, mind you. More just the rejection. Anyhow next I predict that I will meet the most attractive and most capable nurse yet and they will see me more as a rugged individualist than as a stuffed toy and I might not recognize them at first but eventually i will open my eyes. and for all of you I predict either cures or death or endless suffering, depending.
kiss on the sweaty forehead,
blamblo

pinkerton man or just pink?

2006-02-01T12:50:00.001-06:00

hello all who suffer,
i have decided that i'm am the doctorial equivalent of a pinkerton man. I've got a shitty reputation and i'm not respected by other doctors. But maybe that is jut because i'm so portly and smoke and have pale, pinky, transluscent skin. Or because i make them uncomfortable with my genius and my ability with the nurses. Things are still good though maybe not quite as on high as when i wrote last. i did have about twenty minutes of euphoria on sunday night while waiting for the F train. i was listening to that new bonnie prince billie/tortoise song about love is love...but then i was hurled from the tip of ecstasy to the pit of despair with nausea and stomach cramps for hours afterwards. i self-diagnosed food poisoning although it could have been the whiskey.

things with nurses.... eh. it's so hard to say. i've surely been duped before and i just don't know. months, i said last? maybe, yet. but also maybe not. i detect a strange glint in her eye, that may be either the call of another doctor, the gleam of the robotic setting in, the figuring out of my schtick, or merely disinterest and detachment. it is hard to tell even looking through my special scopes and constantly checking her pulse. also i awake from another frustrating dream about that last nurse. they are always dating someone different but someone i know in my dream and in this one it was specialist ace, which i'm sure belies something totally separate.

but the new hospital, now that's the works. it has made leaving sunny porches and beer and hugs Texas worth it. i am a more productive, creative and capable doctor than i've ever been.

and i've given up all white powdery substances except salt. so that is no blow, no snow, no sugar. and i feel pretty good. and i avoided getting the nasty flu. you all, i prescribe/demand should do the same. just try not to have refined sugar for like two weeks. it rocks. but it's akin to quitting the damn cigarettes as there are cravings and grumpiness but all the same it's worth it.

love and other things i left inside you on the operating table,
dr. blamblo

things are far, far too good

2006-01-22T16:11:00.000-06:00

dearest bandaged ones,
you know what's really funny? i don't have anything to bitch and whine about. for once, or twice. things are good at the hospital and the clinic and i have a new gig in my future and a good nurse who may hang around for like months even. i have a friend named sgt. winkerbean with a mouth that just wont quit. some new surgical instruments that are shiny and sharp. and the comic about me is inked and ready to be printed out into little books to give to everyone and maybe sell for a quarter around town. and well really, what's to be angsty about? except that who am i without a little healthy angst? i might even skip boggle tonight. i can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing. but just different. which is good. migas.
goodnight nurses,
blamblo

ouch

2006-01-04T00:38:00.000-06:00

"aghhhhh!"
does it hurt blamblo? sting a little in the most intimate of places? a little jab one two to keep you up at night with the appropriate amount of angst, helplessness and of course the lurking of the void. no nurse is a faithful nurse. especially not a contract worker. especially not one who you always knew you couldn't get and that was why you wanted them so bad in the first place. possibly. but think on the bright side like a certain nun once told you. you'd already decided to move on and stop the tireless pursuit of said nurse. so there you go. it was a good idea. (unlike most you have). so really though. give it up. stop callin for consultations and emailing for assistance in surgery. that nurse is long gone and it's time you regained your rythym sans your crush on them.
but yeah it does smart still a bit, don't it...
-blamblo's inner critical voice

phlegming it up in nyc

2005-12-23T09:59:00.000-06:00

dearest others filled with snot and puss,
your favorite doctor is himself filled with an unappealing amount of mucus (all colors!). hack spit cough. that's my day in a nutshell. oh yeah and save lives, brighten days, be kind to kittens and children. in my head all day plays the theme song from st elmo's fire. "i can see a new horizon underneath the blazin sky, i'll be where the eagle's flyin higher and higher, gonna be your man in motion all i need is a pair of wheels, take me where my future's lyin st elmo's fire!" also this line "you broke the boy in me you wont break the man" yeah! i loved that show! it inspired me to become the fabulous doctor that i am today. but other than sick and busy at work, i'm real good patients. real good. things are somewhat compartamentalized. like there's one nurse for me to have a crush on, one nurse for me to actually hang out with, one nurse for um release. one friend for confiding, one friend for drinking, one friend for ego boosting. etc. etc. everything has it's role. and really isn't it too much to ever expect one person to do it all for you? i have so many needs. it only makes sense to have an army to take care of it. okay i just reread the last few sentences and it makes me sound like a slutbag but that wasn't my point, really it wasn't. i might have been a cassanova as a young doctor, flitting here to there, but in my old age, i am much more reserved and conservative even about which nurses i want to spend time with.

one week till texas, folks! i myself am greatly excited to see the wide open spaces and of course all the sickest Texans who i will always love. hopefully i will be better by then so i can give you my undivided attention and not always be spitting in a can.
till then,
just put a bandaid on it, i'll be there in a week,.
doctor blamblo

highs and lows

2005-12-19T16:53:00.000-06:00

dear yous guys,
cafeteria food has never been so vomitrotious and shopping for office supplies never so awesome.
love,
me,
blamblo

hot flashes

2005-12-14T17:37:00.000-06:00

dearest all my menopausal patients,
don't worry i'm not going through the change. i think i'm just sleep deprived again. why not go home and sleep you ask? why not indeed! with all my patients and shifts at the hospital and not mention life that is always going even when one is asleep! and lately i can't get enough of it. too much of the same and every new thing is exciting and makes me want more! but it is embarrassing walking around with a flushed face. not to mention a bald head and a perpetual lab coat (even in winter). luckily, i'm used to being embarrassed.
blam

this must be the place

2005-12-12T15:38:00.000-06:00

dearest bodies with varying amounts of limbs and blood,
i'm at the new hospital and i've got a brand new hangover. so much whiskey, so little time. never for money, always for love. come on and say goodnight. i did i said goodnight, twice, on accident and then bumped into the pole as i keeld off the train and up the stairs, and up more stairs and straight to bed, hand pressed to the wall to forgo the spins. home, is where i wanna be, but i guess i'm already there. it's not even all that much to feel optimistic about and i feel a little dumb in that way you do when you're hungover but today is happy and calm nonetheless. and i had a nice epiphany on the train today about not overthinking, about how creation, birth and fresh starts are all about just trusting your intuition and just doing whatever comes naturally and not analyzing it. like when i do a painting or write something or perform a spontaneous surgery. and so with life. so yeah. i'm just an animal looking for a home. i am slightly worried about the senior mrs. blamblo who has not returned my phone calls. it is the only blight on this day. even a doctor needs his mom sometimes.
love me till my heart stops, love me till i'm dead.
it's still beating folks,
blamblo

no, you're a bone machine

2005-12-11T12:58:00.000-06:00

you're so pretty when you're faithful to me my little patients,
i know you haven't been seeing any other doctors in my absence or consulting any medical texts or calling any nurse hotlines. that would just be unwise is all i'm saying. somebody might try to buy you a soda and molest you in the parking lot. anyhow i'm coming home soon. and you can all have your annual checkups. i'm bringing with me my big black doctor bag full of all my most important tools like tongue depressors, ear and nose light, reflex tamper, thermometer (bend over!), blood pressure cuff, and of course my stethoscope so i can tell how fast your hearts will be beating being that close to me. i am looking forward to being back in the belly of the beast, despite it's medical bashings and despite the fact that i'm sure it'll be weird and different and stuff. today may or may not culminate in a using-me-for-tv date with an old news nurse. i'm betting on no since this nurse is one of the flakiest flakes. so why even bother you ask? well, as it happens i haven't had a crush on another nurse since i met them. and if you know me (and i think you do), then you know that's real fucking weird. it's been like four months or something. so anyways, this nurse screwed me up so that i can't like any other nurses! they have become the litmus test of nurses! no nurse stands up in comparison. but it's not like i'll be surprised if it doesn't work out. alright i've gotta get through my case load for the day and then clean the bathroom.
check your bones for little machines,
doctor preachy preach
blamblo

fate

2005-11-16T11:50:00.000-06:00

dear those dearest to me (the extremely ill),
last night after a long day at the clinic and the new hospital, i took the J train to meet a nurse who i was convinced was my destiny. I still think she might be even though she's already working for another able physician in another town. either that or i saw my destiny in the computer lab before i even left the hospital. or i just missed my destiny at the coffee shop around the corner. my destiny is short and wears glasses and cardigans. or maybe she's young and disheveled and rides a bike. or maybe they're just like me but shorter and cuter, and of course a little different. but since destiny number one was otherwise occupied, i escorted a ducklips type from the south to the G and to the doctor bar i frequent. but then i got bored and came home. because when your destiny eludes you, you may feel like getting wasted but it doesn't make it any better. then they called me from the clinic at 6:30 in the morning because no one had their keys, but luckily i didn't have any either, so i didn't have to drag my doctorly bum from bed. until now with my prescripted hangover due to my searching out of fate, which can't be sought, it can only soot you. you know. like chimney soot. i had that word in boggle the other day.
tap tap,
(then you kick your leg),
blamblo

quantam teets

2005-10-23T18:01:00.000-05:00

dearest my little, ravaged by time, sick and addled darlings,
hello hello. i had this horrible dream a few nights ago that a certain nurse had this gigantic breasts (she already has quite large ones) and so they were grostequely huge with bright red veins splaying out from the nipples and it scared me. i have been a busy beaver, working and working both at the clinic and the new hospital and without a moment of free time. i'm so busy and life is so unaccomodating in a certain way that i have no new nurse news to report for once. none at all. not a bit. i just read the wind up bird chronicles by murakami and now i'm reading truman capote's short stories and also the quiet american by graham greene. dr. butternut dodson is visiting me from the windy city (which it turns out is not called that because of actual wind) and we have been having a jolly old time, you know, just doing doctor things like golfing and discussing clients and all our lawsuits and such. yesterday at the clinic, it was a pretty slow day because of the rain, and we were amusing ourselves being silly and i made up a surgical technique called the marionette. i'll have to show it to all of you someday. and then an either crazy or drunk person came in and yelled about freshness, which just mad us all laugh in their face. poor poor loonies. well i'm off to cook dinner for some colleagues. i hope you all are changing the gauze regularly. remember, infection is our enemy.
say ahh,
doc blamblo

dr. fuckup

2005-09-21T11:45:00.000-05:00

good morning, good day and good night,
your faithfull/faithless doctor is at the end of his rope/the bottom of his barrel. my bag of tricks is empty. rock bottom. last stop on the train. well i can't really think of anymore cliches right now. and i'm sure tomorrow or at least maybe by tuesday everything will feel a bit better. but my upswing was more like a sharp up followed by an equally sharp down. i think maybe i was too overzealous. i feel dumber than when i started. and what does one do at this point? shine my stethescope and button up my white coat and just see one patient after another i suppose. and for reals and for true (where did i pick up that ridiculous expression?) it's not just about a nurse. i mean a little bit. but this doctor's been rejected by so many nurses that it's a bit of a given. it's more about my own actions. well and my parents. the blamblo seniors. and fading prospects due to medicaid issues and fiscal troubles. i may not be able to stay at the new hospital. and it leaves me wondering what to do next. i am just not ready for a private practice. and sure there are other hospitals, but are they right for me? and are they in new york? and if not then do i have to move again? ugh. it is all very overwhelming. and well the nurse thing... it does bother me. of course it does. mostly because i fucked up. i didn't mean to, but i did, somehow. okay but i have rounds at the hospital so i must scrub up and all that.
adieu to you and you and you and you,
blamblo

hole

2005-09-18T01:11:00.001-05:00

dearest patients,
there are million songs. there are a million people that have felt the way i feel right now. lovesick, i suppose. and a little drunk. and somewhat restless. and definitely unfulfilled. am i deciding all the wrong decisions? am i becoming hung up on someone i shouldn't? is my determination for naught? i just walked over the pedestrian bridge and looked down at the cars speeding beneath me and two teenage boys came by and asked me if i'd seen an accident yet and i said no but isn't the real wreck right here?

abort! abort!

2005-09-12T12:20:00.000-05:00

to all of you mummy impersonators,
your doctor is a bit hungover right now so there might be some typos. last night was nice though with cribbage and pinball with nurse bobo and ktks-white and i was the secret dj all night and jameson was my secret dj and well there are no secrets really on whiskey. and i've aborted my new nurse mission. it's just making me feel like a lousy doctor. and i have to have unflinching confidence to go into that operating room with little more than my wits and a bonesaw. i need a nurse that's excited about the incredible opportunity of working under my expert tutelage. also i had a bad dream last night about nurses ignoring me and extended family members text messaging me about the enormous width of my gut. the only question now is where the hell am i going to get my coffee from when i'm in the city? i suppose i could expose my palate to hospital coffee... nurse bobo says i shouldn't worry about it and he's probably right but i feel like a little avoidance is in order. nurse fatchkins went to philly and i already miss her 'cause i was getting used to having her little face around. she gave me the sweetest note the other day. i miss lots of doctors and nurses lately. feeling a little nostalgic for austin where everyone was sick all the time and really needed me. for big doctor and nurse thanksgiving on the eastside with a fire after a whole day of food and drink. for nurse shark in seattle whose turn it is in our scrabble game by the way! for dr. darkling in chicago who i want to be around practically everyday. for nurse gardener; who am i supposed to get stoned and watch horror movies with now?
so i made this fall is coming playlist that i'm really proud of, so i'll just give you a few of the songs i'm listening to so you can listen to them too and then we'll all be connected in a way. also if you really want to put yourself in your doctor's shoes, you should not only listen to the following but also watch a bunch of episodes of the O.C. and have a hopeless crush and drink too much and try to quit smoking everyday and hang out with a goofy tall guy and practice your limp and don't forget to caffeinate.
Never - Heart
A Sight to Behold - Devendra Banhart
Sad, Sad Song - M. Ward
Me and My 424 - John Vanderslice
Song Against Sex - Neutral Milk Hotel
Step Right Up - Tom Waits
Changes - David Bowie
Underwear - Pulp
Pana Rip Off - Chicks on Speed
Naive Melody (cover of the Talking Heads) - Arcade Fire
Sirena - Dirty Three
I'll Be in the Air - The Microphones
Gigantic - The Pixies
anything by Mirah and also by Wolf Parade

ok, ok enough already. are you patients even out there? send me a sign. like your bloody hearts in the mail please.
mostly always your favorite doctor i hope,
blamblo

axle rose was right

2005-09-05T00:15:00.000-05:00

to all you hypochondriac pill poppers that i call patients,
of course what i mean by the title is that all we need is just a little patience. yes i think tonight was my needed reality check and it set me to thinking (in a good way). and my whole life starts over on tuesday what with the new hospital gig and me with my shiny new stethoscope and new apartment and new outlook. and there are a million things this doctor wants to do with his life. and yes finding and keeping a good nurse is one of them, but it's not the only one. holy fuck, it shouldn't even be the most important. i think i'm just crushed out on talking about crushes. i don't know what my deal is. okay, okay, what i'm trying to say here is that while i am not any less interested or determined about this new white-shoed wonder, i am calming down and backing off a bit. i am going to be happy with what i have and work on being the best doctor i can be and while the giddiness and squealing was kind of cute for a few days, you just can't sustain that sort of thing. my patients wouldn't trust me if i was always giggling and blushing. so this is a stupid entry, but i'm trying to update a little more often so you guys aren't all like "dr. who?"
analgesically yours,
doctor blamblo

dr. crazyface

2005-09-01T19:05:00.000-05:00

dearest sweet pilltakers,
look how good i am. i'm improving my record with just an eleven day hiatus since my last boring entry. but really now i have good news and that makes it so much better to write for once with something exciting and positive. drum roll please....... there's a new hot nurse in my life. well i'm pretty determined to offer them a job at the blamblo clinic for sickies and they seem like they're pretty into it so far. they're such a fucking great nurse that i smile and squeal like a small, girl-child when they stroll by in their comfortable white shoes. i have to use my stethoscope to check my own hearbeat about 12 times a day for fear of permanent arythmia due to the way they make it go faster by merely taking a temperature or passing out little white cups of pills. they just fluffed someone's pillow!!!! eeeeeeeeee!!! to repeat, for posterity. palpitate, palpitate. i am determined. and my determination seems just fine. also the way i feel (like a teenage girl) and the events of the day (spooky coincidences and impending drama) make it seem just like my own personal episode of the O.C. but with less fisticuffs. and well, not in california (california!!!) and well, no one's rich here, oh except me, i'm a wealthy medical doctor. right. right. i'm sure you can all tell how off the fucking edge of the world i am right now. so don't ask me for a shot, i might miss, but i can still prescribe and prescribe and it will be pills filled with love because the darkness has diminished and blamblo the confident optimist with big big plans has returned!
kissing it better,
dr. b

the way things have been

2005-08-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

dearest devoted sickos,
i know, i know. a month?! i am truly a jerk. a doctor can't just come around once a month an expect to look in your ears, check your pulse and wham, bam, thank you ma'am. but to be honest i have been experiencing a dark (yet functional), doctorly depression since my birthday. but i'm quitting smoking and that lets in a little light, not to mention oxygen. also i have found a new reason to make it through the day. and the new season starts on thursday. now that queer as folk is officially over, i have to move on, to (if not bigger and better) different things. so i'm proud to announce that i'm officially really into the O.C. Dr. Burlitis and Dr. M came over last night and we had a marathon. We had plenty of something green and plenty of ice cream. also i'm getting evicted from my office space and i'm desperately searching for a new one. it's a competitive commercial real estate market out there people. i have to obsessively check my email and the listings every ten minutes so that i'm the first one to email. also i have extensive needs in an office space. close to the hospital, large consulting room, nice neighbors. achh. it's a pain in my doctorly bum. also my bike has been in disrespair for weeks now which (speaking of my doctorly bum) is not helping me to become dr. in-shape-hottie.
Moving on to the good news, Nurse Fatchkins is coming to do a visiting stint at the hospital and i am very excited. I also just got to see Dr. McShoemaker (we did our residency together) and many other good doctors from the old ninth ward are moving to new york as we speak. I've also told a couple of patients what for and they seem to have responded well. It pays to exercise a little authority now and again. alright i'm off to check out a potential office space. i promise the swelling will go down.
your doctor,
blamblo

the strong silent type

2005-07-07T18:31:00.000-05:00

dearest readers and patients,
after a tiny bit of thought i have decided not to recount the drama and antics that plagued me for a week or two in an effort to become more like a masculine role model. also it's all over, so it doesn't seem so important anymore. but i have learned some lessons from it like:
1) trust your doctorly intuition
2) you don't always have to compromise, not every time
3) it's okay to be mad
4) it's okay if people are mad at you
5) boozers are losers (and by that i am refering to myself of course)
so those things may seem trite and simple but for some reason are easy to forget. but i don't want to get too wu wu here, so i'll digress to talking about my fourth of july. the hospital was slammed with missing fingers and toes from firework fun gone awry. i didn't even have time to wipe the sweat from my scholarly brow. right after my shift, i rode my bike to coney island with dr. pecker and ate my first nathan's hot dog and sat on the beach. then we rode back and the sun was getting low, so i hopped on a train to williamsburg to go to dr. azios' roof for the fireworks. also that day i had a fish taco for breakfast and a fish taco for dinner. also the next day i had more fish. fish, fish, fish. and i don't mean anything by that, just that i've been eating a lot of fish.
tonight i am flying to bulgaria to dance the night away. just as soon as i do the dishes.
heartache is worse than heartburn but i choose to give you all my heart anyways,
lovishness,
dr. blamblo

and you thought e.r. was dramatic

2005-06-27T23:09:00.000-05:00

dearest little guys,
i don't have time to relay it all you at the moment, but trust me my life has been juicier than a soap opera lately. lots of twists and turns. stay tuned for an exaggerated and theatrical retelling in the next couple of days.
with fondest regards,
doctor b

dr. dickwad

2005-06-24T22:12:00.000-05:00

to the sick and the dead,
i am taking a brief break from my queer as folkathon to write a few words to you my devoted fans. i'm not actually sure that there are any of you left, since i have been such a poor and lacking correspondent. but a physician can hope... my birthday is rapidly approaching and my only humble request is that all of you take photo booth pictures and send them to me. if you don't know my address, please write and i will give it to you. a doctor has to take privacy precautions, you know.
as for recent events, well they are, as life is, both good and bad. but i think it all is giving me some sort of new prosthetic backbone. lately i have had to feel like an asshole more than normal. prescribing the wrong meds, coming up with totally bullshit diagnosis' and generally failing to find the cures to what ails people. but i think my realizing it is helping me to become a better doctor than i have been in the past. one who says, "you're going to die" right off the bat instead of beating around the bush and prescribing chemo and whatnot. one who says, "abort, for goddsake." instead of "you'll have to get off the crack, if you can."
i also have to start prescribing myself a better lifestyle, as i'm not a young m.d. anymore. i need to conquer my alcoholism, overreating, underexercising, under and oversleeping, excessive smoking, crappy eating habits, coffee addiction, sugar addiction, and all my other addictions. not to mention develop my genius as a surgeon instead of developing my neuroticness about nurses, which is fully developed enough, thank you very much.
on the nurse front, eh... i did get a ficus, that was nice. i refired nurse bean, that was both necessary and a bit of a loss. and although it's doctor/nurse pride weekend, i don't even feel like going out and celebrating/cruising. i'm sick of nurses and how much we doctors have to process with them. more sex, less processing. that's what i say. i've processed enough in the last few weeks for a year long committed relationship, which i feel like i am avoiding for a reason, for heavenssake.
back to the lifestyle section, i got a bike and i'm going to start cycling to the hospital. i am very excited and nostalgic for the turn of the wheel, my foot on the pedal, my ass sore after a nice long ride. ahh.
well i guess that's that for now. think of creative, thematic things for your photo booth pictures and do it soon. don't delay. if any of you need a refill on your valium, give me a call.
say ahh,
dr. blamblo blamberton

a doctor's gotta do what a....

2005-06-06T11:06:00.000-05:00

hello sweet long lost patients!
i miss you all x 22 bagillion million trillion. saturday night marked the end of my 3 week bender. going out straight from the hospital, not even bothering to remove my stethoscope and drinking things in a terribly wrong order, such as gin and tonics, then beer, then jameson. stupid, stupid, stupid. anyhow i'm promising myself to take it a little easy. i would at least like to lay some of the blame for my short term alcoholism on chronic pain. the only time my ank doesn't really bother me is when i'm three sheets to the wind. i can walk and walk and dance and talk and not think about it. but it doesn't make it any better in the morning and as a medical doctor, i should know better. for heaven's sake. i feel like there's so much news to report, but where to begin? i gave myself two minor cosmetic surgeries and now i have a tornado on my left arm and something on my right wrist that is supposed to say goodbye but looks like gooobye. i had an encounter with a wackjob at the hospital and my doctorly manner was extremely tested and i got claw marks. i had to let nurse bean go because she was stealing latex gloves and there have to be rules, dammit. and i'm sick of nurses always quitting, every once in a while it's good to just fire them before they quit. it makes me feel like i'm in charge.
recent celebrity sightings for the log. i walked next to william hurt for a few minutes and he has the same limp as me! wait, did i alreay tell you all i saw both mr. big and mike myers on the same day? well i did. also i recently got my first ever manicure and when i say manicure, i mean MANicure. it's not like i let them paint me pink or anything. but it was relaxing and nice and only $8. and as a doctor, i have to take care of my hands, you know. i lost at poker twice. i cut off the mullet and now look like an ex marine. i have strange bruises on my legs. i made some new friends.
most importantly i wonder how all of you are. i am desperate for email in my inbox. i may not be able to take your temperature from so far away but i am still available for consultation and diagnosis. please continue to be my loyal patients and i will continue to be your loyal doctor.
a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck,
doctor blam

new patient

2005-04-28T12:39:00.000-05:00

hello coughers and drippers,
i have a new patient, who is a high school girl from the 50's. you can read all about her at: http://hey4eyes.diaryland.com . She and i are cut from the same cloth, as it were, only she is young and female and i am older (not ancient yet!) and a man. anyhow she's quite a hoot. i feel like smoking so many cigarettes right this second. in recent good news i'd like to report that i have hired a new nurse and she is at the top of her field. nurse bean is a doctor's dream come true. she's so good at taking blood pressure, temperatures, emptying bed pans, securing IVs, wheeling people around and making people swallow their purple pills. i hope she sticks around. i have a severely high turnover with nurses for some reason. alright i'm off to diagnose the world.
all the love in the world in pill form.
dr. blamblo blamberton m.d.

i have been such a shit

2005-04-24T22:16:00.000-05:00

dear devoted patients,
probably it might be true that none of you are even reading this pathetic excuse for a blog anymore since i have been soooo lazy and craptacular about updating it in the last few months. i am making a formal apology to you at this time. i cannot however promise more prolificness in the future though i will try. it is true that my internet access isn't what it used to be and that i am a very busy doctor with many many patients, however those excuses really aren't good enough, are they? suffice it to say that i have something to say at this moment. this week has contained far too much whiskey and far too little perspective. i have seen the sunrise 3 times and enjoyed the hilarity that ensued from little to no sleep. yet it takes its toll. i had a brief moment of extreme ennui yesterday (or maybe that was the day before, who can be sure?) and today was a bit of a doldrum though i did laugh at an article in the onion. i have so much going on and i am excited about everything that i am starting and everything that i am finishing. but i am plagued by old spectres. ghosts of my former self (and by former, i mean years ago) are rising up to smack me in my doctorly bum. it is like a character in the movie i saw today said, "People never change. They're the same at 13 and 50." the movie wasn't so great but that little monologue was astute and scary. have i not changed at all? i went to medical school, saved many lives, invented new cures and yet i am still the same dork child i always was. i still fall for all the wrong girls and once i have fallen, it seems never to truly end. ok, some of them are pretty much over. i'm making sweeping generalizations again, patients. as i was walking home last night at like 4:30 am, i saw a cute girl in a red hoodie and a checkered hat. i was swinging my umbrella and ranting to myself about some of my spook issues and i passed her. then she passed me and turned . a few blocks later, we crossed paths again and i asked her for a light. we both hesitated and chatted for a moment. it was nice. and yet really of no importance. what is really plaguing me (and now i'm finally getting to it here) is that i have a new crush that feels so ancient. it is the worst kind. it is characterized by all the signs of a road straight to self-hate hell. hot, straight, body dismorphic, gemini, not quite disentangled from last relationship. also amazing writer, humble, tells it like it is, did i say hot?, well-read, cool aesthetic, listens to me talk on and on. i hate myself. i had a dream today that we were having passionate oral sex. it was so hot and realistic. and as if that weren't enough i allowed myself to further fantasize about it in waking life. what a schmuck. what a fucking schmuck. who knows the cure for schmuckness? maybe there is a new pill on the market, schmuckzac 32 or something. or a patch or shot? hypnosis? ah, i've got it, amputation maybe. of that pesky vital organ. no not that one, dirties, the goddamned heart. that's what the hell i'm talking about. okay now i have to process with gardener, so i have to flee.
i love you fuckers.
write me love letters,
your favorite doctor,
dr. blamblo

sneak preview

2005-04-01T16:10:00.000-06:00

dearest sick darlings,
the other day i was walking down the street and an old lady walking towards me said, "you walk like me!" and her cackling reverbrated back to me all the way down the block. it's true folks, i'm an arthritic youngster. i still feel like a teenager but my body is decripit and falling apart. anyhow enough with the melodrama, here's a sneak preview of blamblo the comic.
amputated love,
blamblo

blamblo moonlights as a barrista

2005-03-13T01:59:00.000-06:00

yes dear patients,
it's true. i have slung some coffee. and today i made a cappucino for amanda plumber. i wanted to ask her to shout, "if any of you fucking pricks move, i'll shoot every motherfucking last one of you." but i refrained. supposedly she comes in all the time. she's just as weird as i would have imagined. i just marathoned the guilty pleasure again. and i feel pensive like i do when i do. i miss some of you. and some of you are drifting away. but maybe i knew you were a figment from the beginning. something that wouldn't stick no matter how much sweat and spit i mixed up in the glue. i'm reading love in the time of cholera. i've been listening to doug martsch's solo album. i have weird rashes. i taught dr. chope how to say ambie and pizza. so that's the update, kiddos.
goodnight.
surgeon snuggles,
doc blamblo

why did i have to have that fourth vodka soda?

2005-03-04T11:41:00.000-06:00

i'll tell you why. because as a doctor i have all the control and as a drunk i have very little. and when you're determined to try and kiss someone, you need all the liquid courage you can get and then when they tell you five minutes later that you should just be friends, it's better to be drunk so it doesn't really penetrate your fat skull. and then the four flights up to your solo sofa bed seem trippingly easy. and the descent into sleep without thinking too hard on rejections is quick and painless. but then you wake up and gravity has won a small battle when you can't get out of bed and the ankle has turned to petrified stone that makes strange grinding and creaking noises when weight is placed upon it. if i tested my own reflexes, i would probably pronounce myself dead. well this dead, disfigured and slightly-hung, medical doctor has to go get on the damn train. i am requested at the musueum of television and radio to perform a arterial bypass on either john cassavetes or peter falk or both. i am supposed to show enthusiasm. i need a fucking cup of coffee then.
look patients, don't take my drama seriously,
you should know better,
doc blam

feverish

2005-02-20T19:57:00.000-06:00

i must have a temperature because everything seems so horrible right now. and really nothing is wrong, other than that i'm sick. i mean i've just been laying around the house all day watching a horrible tv show that i won't name and eating soup and drinking tea and water and then all the sudden i have this breakdown in a very undoctorly fashion. and no one is answering their phone. and now i have snot on my face. and i feel sad and bitter and pissed and pathetic all at the same time. i hate being sick.

tom cruise is definitely gay

2005-02-17T21:57:00.000-06:00

dearest kith and kin or whatever,
oh weary me. these doctors bones are achey and tired doesn't even begin to describe it. this doctor also needs a cigarette, though that possibility is 4 flights away. i had to see some dyslexics and some dyspeptics at 6:30 am and then surgery, patients, surgery, rounds and ending in a schizophrenic hemorroid at 10 pm. what a day! i got a sweet email from the senior mrs blamblo when i got home and that was sweet. also i had a delightfull chicken tiki wrap from grand central. but also i am extremely limpy and it snowed on me a little on the way home, though that wasn't so bad. oh yeah i almost forgot about my conversation with a cute nurse during rounds. that was nice. also apparently the beginning drafts of the comic about my life were well received. all though what people could see to be entertaining in little old me... well i just don't get it. tomorrow will be a day of sleeping late and then other things, but mostly sleeping late. yawn. okay i love you all and if you were blisters on my butt i wouldn't pop you.
scholarly yours,
blamblo m.d.

2005-02-11T09:00:00.000-06:00

good morning munchkins,
i hope you all are following all my prescriptions plus drinking lots of water. i don't want to hear any excuses. in an interesting development, a young student from the university is going to do a comic book about me. i'm trying not to get a big head about it or anything but i could be famous in that strange world soon. i have to sit for drawings and get interviewed about my life and everything. I"ll have to dredge up some stories, so if any of you have any good ones, let me know.

while there are many more attractive rns and mds here, the only problem is that i don't know any of them. i have talked to some of my peers at the new hospital. and there's my roomate. and dr.'s azios and brooks and a few people here and there. actually it's quite enough, it's just that as one of the eight great doctors, i'm used to having female companionship. no, you're right, i should be focused on my research. girls are merely distracting. besides which, i probably still have a few issues to work out with myself about my last alleged sexual harrassment.

well i'm off to a museum. my new york patient load will never replace you my little texans and people who used to live in texas and people who want to live in texas.
fondest regards,
blamblo

another day, another 4 or 5 bucks on cigarettes

2005-02-06T19:14:00.000-06:00

hey sniffles,
thanks for all your comments. it's true, i am a mean, sorry-for-myself showboat. keep it coming! all day today i am just reading and reading doctorly journals. and talking on the phone and getting on the internet and having a wank. home is too distracting. i have to find a good place to read. the coffee shop i tried to go to today was disappointing in that there was no place to sit, the coffee tasted like shit, and the lady who served me was a total bitch. so i came back home, but now i am still distracted. nurse shark has come and gone and taken my favorite sweater with her and left her ugly nurse shoes in return. not fair! apparently she ran into specialist ace on the plane home. random! one thing i miss about aphro is that relations with her and i were never strained or awkward. always simple. feed, walk, cuddle, pet. other beings are much more complicated. i should have been a veterinarian. ah well. this is my dealt hand and i shall play it to the best of my ability, no?
goodnight and i hope you go into rem for at least 4-6 hours,
dr b

mean but true

2005-02-03T13:01:00.000-06:00

dear fuckos,
i am hungover and feel like telling it like it is. i am a doctor and i know what's wrong with all of you. Little S, you are so vain, stop thinking your so cute and shit. Ali, you have too many hats, do you even have a head? Heidi, you cuss too much i'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap,. drea, why did you buy a house? zach, you are too into art, stop dressing up like a reindeer and riding the bus. burle, you are too into old stuff, get modern. Gardener, I hate you, you're dumb. Mols, you are a fucking know-it-all. you should just pretend not to know something once in a while. Bruce, you get people addicted to rum balls, you're an enabler. Marek, you look too eastern european. fatten up and stay out of the sun. GK you're too conscientious, just become a workaholic and forget those kids. Ms. Schrag, learn to read grown up books,you know with words, not pictures. S and M, you are hereby banned from craigslist FOREVER.. and as for all the rest of you.... you know what's wrong with you. fix it.
blamblo
p.s. feel free to write me back and tell me what's wrong with me.

a clown without makeup

2005-02-01T20:29:00.000-06:00

dearest my patients with hope for survival,
you know how i only like to report good news and always feel bad plaguing you with my problems when you all have some many horrible diseases but... well today has been exceptionally emotional. all day i walked around feeling like a raw vein, an open wound. to bandage myself, i tried to not make eye contact with anyone. i felt too vulnerable to deal with even the most base rejection of the aversion of the eyes. i won't go into any detail of the blow or how it was dealt, because in truth it is all ridiculous. it is only that it is so affecting that i feel like the center of a bad joke or a depressing, ironic story. also, it is possible that i drank too much coffee this morning, but i had floaters is the bottom left corner of my left eye for the first half of english class and could barely write or read. i thought a migraine was coming on. but i have merely the simplest of headaches. i am prescribing myself a bath and an early turn in. i'm sure tomorrow there will already be skin growing back.
thanks for being my bandaids,
love,
blamblo

wake up sherlock

2005-01-30T10:45:00.000-06:00

dear beloved patients,
i just finished this book called the House of Sleep a few days ago (thanks to my favorite goth nurse for the reading present) and there was a character in it who would have such vivid dreams that she had trouble distinguishing them from reality from time to time. (it's one of the symptoms of narcolepsy, by the way) So lately i'm always checking in with myself in the morning to compare what happened to what i may have dreamt. it's a creepy feeling to be unsure of what's a dream and what's real. this morning when i first first woke up i thought maybe i had had sex last night. but upon really waking up i realized, no i was just drunk. and maybe there was a fragment of a dream.

anyhow, so i went out last night to this pretty awesome doctors only party on smith st. there are many more hot RNs and MDs here than in austin. it was a good time with some dancing, a bit of mingling, the usual whiskey, the exchanging of a humorous story about a patient (get it, humerus) a smoke out in the flurrying snow. i met someone in line for the bathroom that made me feel like i was still in the same small world of mds. which, i guess, i am. my teacher crush wasn't there as i had sort of randomly hoped. there were several people wearing white belts and i said to my cohort Dr. D, "Didn't they get the memo from the hospital about white belts? Out like a year ago." You'd think New Yorkers would be quicker than Austinites on the fashion tip. But what am i being a judgmental prick for? I like to wear sweat pants, argyle socks and stained white t shirts under my lab coat. or long john bottoms, red, kitten sweaters and orthopedics. whatever, i still know what looks good on other people.
i need to put on my snowboots and go buy coffee filters and a towel for my home surgery later on today.
but fear not dear patients,
blamblo will return

first celebrity sighting

2005-01-25T11:59:00.000-06:00

hello sicklings,
this morning i had an interview at starbucks. anyhow, in the middle of it, i spied lena olin waiting for her cappucino or whatever. you may remember her from such films as "romeo is bleeding" or "the unbearable lightness of being" or "chocolat". she's totally hot and has always sort of reminded me of catherine deneuve. anyhow, i slept on the floor last night and it was all right. no kinks or anything. dr. matzke would surely prescribe this sort of thing. i myself am much more partial to cushy, sleeping surfaces. but soon enough. i have my first class in like 45 minutes. better shine my stethoscope and refill my packet of tongue depressors and rev up my genius doctor brain with some coffee. oh yeah. who is gk? i got your sweet comment, but i couldn't figure it out. okay off to class with me. i love you all, more than collectors love their beanie babies. really.
anything but antiseptic kisses,
blamblo

snowjob

2005-01-23T10:26:00.000-06:00

hello, hello, hello,
i haven't left the house since yesterday at like 3 pm. i've not seen this much snow in my entire 26 years of mainly texan existence. it's pretty amazing. we watched many movies and played scrabble and ate cookies. oh yeah and i got a place and an interview and registered for classes and my luggage did finally show up and everything's going peach peach peachy on all those important fronts. i got a little drunk night before last and called some of you late in the night. although i was trying to mainly call people on the west coast so it wouldn't be too late. anyhow, i hope you all took it as a sign of love and devotion, not an annoying drink and dial attack. two things about new york city, i really like so far: 1) people really like art here. we tried to go to the moma when it was free on friday evening and the line wrapped around and about and forever. we gave up, but it was impressive on some level. so many artheads. 2) people read and walk at the same time here. i used to do that on the way to school in 4th grade. i can't do it now because of my "condition" but i find it comendable that people are so literate. i've never seen people doing that anywhere else.
anyhow my fingers are getting a bit numb next to this window here, but i just wanted to remind all of you that i still exist. don't forget me! i'm your favorite doctor! nobody prescribes it better!
signing off with a sigh,
dr. blamblo m.d.

the big banana

2005-01-18T16:53:00.000-06:00

hello all my desperately missing me little patients,
i have arrived in new york city safe and sound. my luggage, unfortunately, cannot say the same. but at least i have a coat and my computer and my wits about me. tomorrow i'm going to the new hospital for my shots and a meeting with my liason there. meanwhile i'm just looking for a place and getting my walking legs. i had a great last couple of weeks in austin thanks to all my great friends, the airport bar, and one cute anesthesiologist. i already miss all those things terribly. plus i miss 70 degrees. it's 13 here. anyhow, i'll write more when i actually have something to write about. oh yeah i'm going to try to take a graphic novel class taught by ariel schrag. cool, huh?
long distance eskimo kisses,
shivering shamblo m.d.

perks and challenges

2005-01-07T13:22:00.000-06:00

dear everyone,
it's a new year and already the pendulum is swinging. the selling of my vehicle is not going as planned and it's causing me fiscal stress. i haven't heard yet from the potential subletter about a place to stay. i'm limping a lot this morning. but on the upside, i'm dealing with all this pretty well and i went out to eat lesbian food with my favorite goth nurse and met a cute anesthesiologist who agreed to work with me on my next surgery. we had lots of fun prepping late into the night. last night nurse shark and i went out to eat indian food both wearing our fancy coats. it was like a mock date. i'll miss her most when i move, although she's supposed to be the first to come and visit. i'm a bit sore from an especially repetitive surgery yesterday. sawing through a leg bone with a teeny tiny saw for about 6 hours. my mother keeps calling with fewer and fewer things to say. let's hope she stays stable through the next week. drs bruce and mcshoe are back in texas and it makes my heart leap and do a little bunny dance, knowing that i will see them soon. i'm sitting by a guy that looks like garrison keillor and i just spotted a guy that i was in a mustache club with a couple of months ago. he was such a good sport. and he looked good with that mustache i drew on him. after indian food last night i went home and fagged out listening to the mag fields and reading larry kramer. then i fell into a deep and blissful sleep only to wake up confused and disoriented. but all is realigned with coffee, a sandwich, a cigarette, a scrabble game, a walk. anyhow, i'm sure this is quite enough rambling for the moment.
staunch the bleeding but let your wounds breathe,
yours professionally and also not,
dr. blamblo m.d.

don't kiss me at midnight, i mean it

2004-12-29T14:26:00.000-06:00

dear patients and compatriots,
things are working out, i think. my dear mother has agreed to help me out with some monthly financial help upon my move to nyc. i have a master plan to get a job at starbucks. one of those two hundred establishments must need a medical doctor right? so after a bit of freaking out, i feel more secure in my moving plans. i still have a million things to do and my attitude could use some improving but things are looking up. i got a coat and some boots also. important necessities. to be totally honest, this texas doctor is a little scared. mostly excited, but still a little scared. also my new year's resolution is no more dumb, pointless sex (unless it's super hot) and to learn to let go of people. so although i will be boozing it up along with everyone else tonight, i will be closing my eyes at midnight and facing the wall. i will be going home alone. and i'm going to be happy about it goddamnit. because not every new years has to include some climactic sex scene. my life is not an episode of queer as folk. and even if it was, i'd be ted the accountant who never gets laid except by crystal queens. and i have to remember all the things i appreciate about being single and alone. and i have to stop serving my heart up on a platter to the next cutest girl that comes along. because that's all they are, is cute. and at the end of the day, cute ain't shit. cute don't pay the bills. know what i mean? so this deformed and blackened, smashed and trampled heart is staying where it belongs. right in my own cavernous, beribbed, owned-out-right chest. dating is overrated anyways. i'll probably meet the love of my life on my deathbed.

okay this diatribe is over, you can uncover your ears/eyes.
i will keep giving my heart away for freebies to my friends though.
you all deserve it.
happy 2005.
blamblo m.d.

christmas is for the birds

2004-12-23T11:28:00.000-06:00

hello little ducklings,
i'm pretty sure this time of year is never going to be good. i did manage to get a few presents this year, which is a pretty big step for me. but i can't seem to completely get rid of this goddamn cold. i took a paycut and a demotion to work last night as an orderly. but this doctor is screwed for work and the hospital was short an orderly, so what are you gonna do? turn down an honest days pay for an honest days work? i think not. i should stop writing these entries in the morning when i'm so grumpy. the last few days have been all right, actually. i got to hang out with dr. b hendricks who was in town from chicago. okay i'll write more in the afternoon one of these days when i have a better attitude.
blamblo kisses

another day another surgery

2004-12-19T13:03:00.000-06:00

dear patients in cold climates,
and mild also... but nobody except me and the rest of austin is getting this day where's it's like 60 and bright and clear and full of promise. your favorite doctor feels like he's coming out of a bit of a funk. the last few days i felt like i was hammocking right above rock bottom but today seems better than yesterday and yesterday seemed better than the day before. i didn't do anything social yesterday and i guess that was good. i got my financial aid letter the other day and i got a scholarship and a grant and some loans. i can't stop listening to this one joanna newsom song. last night i dreamed of a place called bucketmart where you could buy anything in a bucket, candy, nails, whatever. dr. von dufenbeck if you read this, i just thought of another reason you should watch freaks and geeks. busy phillips is in it as a bad girl. right up your alley.
anyhow i guess i dont have much to say and i have to rush off to my appointment. a doctor has to pay the bills.
love x 22,
dr. blamblo

operation bullshit

2004-12-16T14:09:00.000-06:00

Dear sick ones with diseases and that stuff,
Well my coulda shoulda woulda been a date was a bust. Whose surprised? Not me really. I feel like a lonely warrior driving through the dark, forbidden plains. I’m bound to encounter many obstacles. Whatever. My room’s not too cold considering I have a hole in my window and my heater is bullshit. I’m not too drunk considering I had some beers and some whiskey.
The thing about lately, is that it sucks. “I’m in a bad way” I said earlier and it’s true. My body’s all fucked up: back, zits, cold, stomach, foot. My brain’s not much better. My heart’s like a strangled chicken about to be thrown in the soup. Don’t even get me started on my nerves. Acupuncture every week helps me for about 6 hours, then I start to feel shitty again. I can’t ever seem to drink enough water or eat anything decent. I need some pot, I think.
I hate writing depressing entries to you patients who probably need some cheering up so you stop thinking about your conditions. But I;m an honest doc and I can’t help it.
Okay goodnight, take your pills.
I love you.blamblo

shit, fuck

2004-12-15T16:30:00.000-06:00

hi you little guys,
i'm that sort of hungover where... well it's 4:30 pm, so that tells you something... and i like to hear my own voice... and things don't seem so bad but also i feel vaguely lost. went down to karioke at airport bar and grill with all the other surgeons. that bartender sure can sing. had a good little chat with a person or two here and there. felt devastated by the loss of specialists ace and hale to our team for the next few weeks. those are four hands i'm going to miss in the operating room. dr. dirty d and i made an appointment for a root canal. (no i'm not a dentist, but who cares?) met some great traveling nurses, who biked here all the way from maine. i hope i see them again, we talked medicine and bikes, two of my favorite things. so i stayed longer than i intended there, but still headed down to esleazium for the amateur drag show, which was over by the time i got there. but fortunately i still managed to find entertainment in the form of a belly bump/knicks highfive from nurse hill, who then monopolized my attention until we left. then a wonderful drunk made me a waffle and i watched part of blue crush before passing out. girl surfers, hot, hot, hot. almost as good as nurses. also my new house sucks. the shower is ridiculous with broken tiles and no shower head, just a pathetic stream of water and pitch dark to boot. the front door wont close all the way. this morning a pane fell out of the window right by my bed. ugh. but in more exciting news, i'm going to see bc tonight and while it wont be "just her and me" like i requested, i'm still stoked to just hang out with her. so good. s&m just got here, so this doctors gotta have a meeting. merry stinking christmas.
you are just like 2 aspirin and i'll always call you in the morning,
love,
blamblo m.d.

decaf

2004-12-10T10:22:00.000-06:00

the doctor's head is a bit throbby, fuzzy this morning. a little too much vodka, wine, beer last night. or maybe just enough. i feel much better than my last depresso entry. i was going to erase it but i thought, fuck it. i have surgery today, so i better down this coffee and scrub up. i'm feeling good because i asked my hopeless crush out and she said yeah. maybe it's not so hopeless after all. after all i am a big shot doctor. somebody has secretly replaced all my coffee with decaf and i am yawning and yawning. i'll update you patients later.
decaffeinated love,
blamblo

the doctor is out

2004-12-06T23:48:00.000-06:00

dear everyone,
i haven't been so loquacious as of late. at least in this forum. i just sat and talked someone's ear off for like 2 hours at spiderhouse though. it was the coffee at night. it has the same effect on me as though i just did a line of coke or something. i don't know what to talk about. i'm a moody bastard lately. okay i do know what i want to talk about. but it's so boring. everyone's probably so over hearing me talk about my breakup or whatever.... but i can't seem to get things right in my head. there's this analogy that i really like about trying to hold running water in your hand. if you just cup your hand lightly you can catch the water, but if you try to clench it and grab it and hold it, it just falls through your fingers. why the fuck can't i let go? i can't even say to myself, in my head, in a believable tone, "i want to be over this". because i guess i don't want to be. but then i'm so annoyed with thinking about it still. arghh.. my last breakup was so much easier on some level. it was like this sad acceptance that just faded until one day i felt better. this is like one minute i feel pissed and then one minute nostalgic and then sad and then understanding and then i don't think about it for a while and then i think about it and realize i haven't thought about and feel like i'm getting somewhere but then it starts all over again, mad, sad, nostaligic. i think the weirdest part is feeling so secure in someone's feeling for you and then their feelings change. like you're last year's accessory or something. like how can you ever trust anyone again after that. i feel like everything i say is a cliche that's been in some dumb movie about breaking up. i hate writing about this, but then it feels sort of therapeutic too. i'm going to bed now, to lay and stare at the ceiling and clench my fists until my caffeine wears off and lets me go to sleep. don't feel sorry for me. i do it to myself.
blamblo

i'm sick

2004-12-05T13:23:00.000-06:00

not a sicko as some of you seem to think, but just plain old sick. ah the common cold, the bane of my existence, professionally, and in this case, personally. i'm hacking and running and sniffling and dripping and croaking and tossing and turning. last night i even watched ER. and i hate to watch fake doctors on t.v. i much prefer fake queers and fake blondes and fake teenagers, occasionally even fake cops. i had to work yesterday (on a saturday!) despite the danger of contagiousness. needless to say, things are stumbling along as usual. i get a little accomplished and i still have much looming over my head. my mother's back in town, which... well... is both good and bad as you all know. i'm sure it's hard to be the mother of a genius, medical doctor, so i should try to be easier on her. i miss you all terribly, especially you dr. bruce, thanks for the phone call. feel free to send care packages.
i will write more when i am well and out again in the world.
my heart goes thump a thump,
dr. blamblo

2004-11-30T16:10:00.000-06:00

ah the pleasure of medicine

turkey, buffalo, cornish hens, salmon, tofu, not to mention vegetables

2004-11-25T11:27:00.000-06:00

dearest thanksgiving compatriots,
this is my very favorite holiday. i love it because i love food and friends. it's a whole day devoted to the thing i enjoy most, indulgence. also there is no pressure of presents or costumes. only the cooking, but if you can't cook you just bring alcohol or cheese or something. last year i brought a crappy cheese ball and silk nog and rum. i was on crutches though, people. don't judge me so harshly. this year i'm bringing the two things i've made this week that turned out good. almond crusted salmon and baked tofu. also specialist hale and i spent about 5 hours last night baking 2 blueberry pies. it was an ordeal. but hopefully worth it. we'll see. in more doctorly news... dr. donie, dr. coffey and i had a long surgery yesterday on mr. thorn. but it was very successful. we switched his liver and his heart around. so now he can eat fatty foods and drink and smoke and be fine. nurse shark caught something from one of her patients but is away for the holidays, which is good, so i don't have to wear my mask around her all the time. that's just rude, but a doctor has to be careful. i can't afford to get something and let my patients down. i saw my crush last night and felt a little flushed. it's fun to have a little crush. keeps me a good doctor. oh yeah, sorry about that last depressing entry. i feel better now. i hope you all are similarly getting over your moods and episodes. i'm thinking of someone who's somewhere making rum balls. and someone who's slaving away cutting bread for rich people. and someone who's vacuuming endlessly. and riding the subway. and studying. and playing scrabble. i'm thinking of all of you.
all of yours for the taking,
dr. blamblo

sigh

2004-11-23T15:38:00.000-06:00

dearest everyone who loves me,
i have been moody. it's true. maybe it's the weather. rain and rain and rain. or not working and feeling bored and stircrazy. maybe it's hormones. who knows? the sun came out today and i had acupuncture and i went for a walk. but i still feel somewhat shitty. maybe it's stress about moving and money. maybe it's just hard to be a genius doctor. i don't know. should i try to live with the director of a porno called trannyfags in bushwick? even sight unseen? or should i just hold my horses? i am excited about thanksgiving at least. tomorrow i'm going to learn how to make a pie crust. i have been horrible at all my goals of not smoking, not eating sugar and all that. my dog is annoying me lately. i feel fat. also i feel dumb. and stupid. okay it's really not that bad, don't worry. i'm fine, really. i'm going to glue some tongue depressors together or make paper airplanes out of my prescription pad. i'll be fine.
love,
blamblo

sandwich

2004-11-20T17:17:00.000-06:00

dearest patients,
i just had a fabulous one. yum. i also just performed an awesome feat in the world of neurology. i delobotomized a patient. yep. some of you maybe saying to yourselves, wait, is blamblo a neurologist? well, technically no. but that didn't stop me! and don't let what you aren't stop you! you can still do whatever you want! aside from brain surgery and making a turkey, swiss and avocado, i also made myself some juggling balls. ever since nurse fatchkins (the world's first and best ever circus nurse) departed with hers, i've been seriously lacking in juggling instruments. you knows there's the occasional grocery store apple fiasco or an icebreaker during surgery where i toss some scalpels around. when i was in san diego i juggled rolls a lot. but it was time i had some balls of my own. you know what i mean, patients, get your minds out of the gutter.
i've had more sex dreams but i wont fill you in on all the spicy details, but clearly my subconscious is telling me something. what? i wonder. hmm. anyhow, back to food. last night i made the best thing. almond crusted salmon and roasted asparagus. so simple and easy and fast but so delicious. also i realized the other day, that i sure do need a lot of validation. i think this is something i need to explore further, but in the mean time, feel free to write to me and tell me how good that recipe sounds or how much my treatment has helped you or just how cute i am or something.
i think you are all very cute and very good patients.
a prescription pad full of love,
blamblo m.d. (majorly delusional)

amputee cate blanchett fucked me

2004-11-17T10:58:00.000-06:00

okay yes it was a dream,
but such a weird and strangely delightful one. she was so hot but much too skinny and with only one arm and had just had surgery on like her leg or torso so she had all the stitches down there so i couldn't even fuck her she could only fuck me. and it was hot. and her name was like esmerelda or something but really she looked just like cate blanchett. it reminds me of the time i dreamed i married a four-legged, mexican, blue girl and we were very in love. but really i'm sure it was mainly about this campy, horror movie i watched last night called may. body parts and things..

so updates... uh i went dancing last night. well i drank more than i danced but whatever. it was fun. specialist ace went with me. there were no viable patients there really. i thought i saw one, but she was dating my friend, dr. hollingsworth. i gave the bartender my card. she looked like she could be sick.

but in much more important, newsworthy and exciting news: i got accepted to the new hospital for social research in new york city! so it's official. dr. blamblo is moving to new york in january.

also i'm off my diet. i was sick of it. also i've been smoking a few cigarettes sometimes at night, but i'm still trying to quit, i'm still fighting the complete return. but i didn't drink coffee yesterday. maybe i can just quit something different everyday?

i dont know. i'm not awake yet. i wish there really was a hot, amputee that wanted to fuck me.
blamblo m.d.

nurse, get me a tylenol

2004-11-13T09:37:00.000-06:00

sweet sick darlings,
the dr. is very hungover this morning. that lesbian game night was in fact scary but also full of little surprises. i played taboo and dominoes and drank a plethura of things from lonestar to chardonnay. i met a lot of mds and rns. i took some pulses. i politely listened to people's whining, hypochondriac complaints. i listened to some heartbeats without my stethoscope (wink wink). i tried to go to that other party to meet my scrabble friend face to face but i couldn't find her. there were people speaking portuguese (speaking of which i had another dream about rio de janeiro but it had merged with san francisco and i witnessed a murdered of a white-haired monk sort of lady) everywhere but not a familiar face in sight. so i went back to the lesbian party which had gotten less focused on games and more on grinding and dancing. i generously performed an impromptu exam on one nurse flowers. damn, she looks good in that paper hat and those comfortable shoes. she let me sleep at her place which was nice, as i was much too intoxicated to leave the eastside. also i've been thinking and thinking a lot about my favorite goth nurse miss m. i drove by her house twice but didn't stop but then she showed up and that was awesome. i took her temperature and it was very high. we made an appointment to have her checked out. it's cold and cloudy out this morning. it feels like snuggling weather. aphro!
licks and kisses from a dr. and his dog,
blamblo

vanity and consumerism

2004-11-12T19:17:00.000-06:00

hello one and all,
today was payday! i went to sears and bought a suitcase and two man-girdles. then i came home, cooked dinner, took a bath, and spent about an hour posing in front of the mirror in nothing but a labcoat, rubber gloves and a surgical mask. then i put on real clothes and pranced around in those for a while. sometimes i don't like looking at myself in the mirror, but sometimes i LOVE it. i'm going out tonight to an all lesbian game night (scary). and then to a party to hang out with my new scrabble friend and new potential real friend. last night i went to a reading by dr. matilda about gay assimilation and lobotomies. i felt pleasured and enriched. then i went over to specialists ace and hales' place for a few vodka sodas (low carb diet!) and a nice rousing game of charades. my favorite one was when i had to act out dr. d's clue: Fuck You, You Fucking Baby! ace guessed it amazingly. also everyone tried to get me to eat a muffin but i threatened to stitch my mouth closed and they backed off. also i got a housesitting gig for thanksgiving and a sublet for dec. 12 through jan. 12th. things are looking good today patients. i hope it is the same for all of you. call me if it's red and irritated.
vials and syringes of love,
dr. blamblo

2004-11-09T20:33:00.000-06:00

my little disease-ridden smurf friends,
hello. it was a hard morning for blamblo. i had spent the night in my office, talking on the phone to nurse gardener and then later to surgeon mcshoe. it was late and i couldn't sleep, so i went to grab a bite to eat and have a heart to heart with shanklin, my favorite late night confidant. when i got back, nurse shark had locked me out of my office. so i used my cute. white coat as a blanket and huddled among the masses trying to catch maybe an hour of sleep before my shift. alas i was very tired and grumpy in the a.m. my shift went smoothly. it was only as i was driving home the my eyes felt like little, fleshy slits that were barely a part of my face. i took a nap and awoke to my phone ringing. it was my new sorta crush. i might have said something stupid as i was totally out of it. but she'll come around when she sees my new reflex tamper. i am doing good sticking to my stupid diet. shanklin and i smoked a few cigarettes last night, but i have resisted buying a pack or anything idiotic like that. but i am still waiting breathlessly for your counsel. i miss you all terribly as though you were tumors that were cut out of me and then i found out you weren't tumors at all but vital organs.
love and bad ketosis breath,
blamblo

sushi??

2004-11-08T17:50:00.000-06:00

hello my little patientos,
today in the news: the president of the clinic i' m working at occasionally is a totally annoying, scatterbrain. all day as i cut hole after whole in person after person, she talks on the phone and ones me to death. do that one thing. a while later. do this one thing. there' s no plan, no organization, no grand scheme. i find it highly irritating. plus she doesn't actually work, only supervise. blechhh.
in sports news: i F'ed up on my diet, but what i ate was sushi, so that doesn't seem too bad, right? also i probably exercised more yesterday than i have, since "the accident", so that probably cancels that out, right? also i smoked more of those half cigarettes last night. ugh. my dear patients. it is you from whom i need counseling for a change. is it good or bad to deprive myself? should i rest all my hopes on getting this pharmaco gig or forget about it?
in other news: i'm starting to think people are hot, again. i think this is a good sign. and i am not talking about fevers.

love from beyond,
dr. blamblo
p.s. yesterday rocked

the science of deprivation

2004-11-06T10:22:00.000-06:00

my dearest sickies,
i've taken up the hardly-any-carb diet. i had extreme cookie cravings the first night, but have levelled out a bit. i have not however had a bowel movement. as a medical doctor i would say this is not a good sign. but i suppose it's to be expected. i have been eating shitloads of greens though. right now i'm drinking my morning coffee, maybe that will do the trick. also in the continuing process of not smoking, i had so many, far too many drags last night. like maybe the equivalent of 3 cigarettes. and it was gross and i feel yucky (scientific term) this morning. also i had two whiskey and waters which is not on the diet. i could have had one, but two seems like pushing it. so that's my life dear patients. apart from lancing boils, using scalpels, stitching up holes i've made, counseling families of the deceased, prescribing more and more drugs to the disenfranchised, and peering into eyes with a mini flashlight, i try my hardest to deprive myself of all desires. the only ones i give into are a good game of online scrabble and an occasional wank. ah, i think the coffee might be starting working.

goodbye my loyal followers,
do as i say not as i do,
blamblo m.d. (master deprivator)

just a flesh wound!

2004-11-03T19:57:00.000-06:00

You are the Black Knight. Always lookin' for a
fight, you NEVER know when to quit...even when
you've had your arms & legs cut off.."'Tis
but a scratch!"

Which Monty Python & the Holy Grail Character are you REALLY?
brought to you by Quizilla

dear america,

2004-11-03T10:56:00.000-06:00

i awoke this morning to a disturbing bit of news on npr. they said that exit polls showed that the biggest issue for people was "moral values" and that 80 percent of those people who were concerned with "moral values" voted for bush. so let me get this straight. your morality prescribes protecting the unborn american babies and killing a hundred thousand men, women and children in iraq. your morality tells you to suppress individual rights while giving corporations the right to do whatever the hell they want. your morality whispers in your ear to support the liar, the bully, the ignorant oaf above someone who you think is "aloof" or "boring". i just don't get it. who are you people? and here's my other question: who are you 40 percent of eligible voters who didn't vote? ugh. i feel depressed.

dear patients,
i feel depressed. kerry just conceded minutes ago. i feel still like there are some absentee and provisional ballots to be counted. what happens if he concedes, do they never count them? i'm listening to al franken on air america right now. i also have poison ivy. my immunity has come to an end. i wonder what other things i will suddenly be succeptible to. apparently candy mongering. i ate quite a bit of candy last night. i was trying to put myself in a sugar coma. also i took some drags of a cigarette. also i was drunk. i cant bring myself to go to the hospital and treat people today. my lethargic listlessness wins against their disease and illness. fuck this country. i want to "accidentally" give a bunch of republicans the chicken pox. but i dont regret my optimism. as much as like to be right, sometimes it's ok not to be. okay that's it, my dear patients.
wash and dry between your toes,
dont scratch it,
love,
blamblo m.d. (majorly depressed)

healthy voting

2004-11-02T16:08:00.000-06:00

i just got back from acupuncture. it's nice to be on the patient side, now and again. it is finally chilly weather here in austin, texas. a nice respite from the sweatiness that ensues even in surgery. i am losing at scrabble. well, i am beating my mom, but everyone else is beating me. i hung out at specialist ace's house all weekend and we had fun with dr. c one night. also i made out, ahem, i mean treated, a new patient. a traveling, train hopper, scruffy sort named wheels. but i didn't let her wear my stethoscope. i thought i was going to get a little free lance work, that was right up my specialty alley, through the austin chronic condition, but it didn't work out. alas, thus is life. today is a big day, as you all know. we could all die of cancer if what's his fuck wins. you'd think a rich doctor would vote for him, but i am not. i am voting for the other guy, the one that wont make us all sick.
i am full of love,
blamblo m.d.

i am a genius!

2004-10-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

hello dear patients,
my horoscope today told me "you are a genius!" i said tell me about it. only a surgeon like me would know when to say when. i told not-a-date we cannot hang out anymore because captain asshole is turning into captain crazy dickwad and i just can't handle it. i felt harsh but also righteous in my prescription. but even though i am a genius, i can't seem to finish an austin statesman crossword puzzle. speaking of word games, if anyone wants to play online scrabble with me, (that isn't already of course) just email me and i'll set it up. i got a temporary gig with a clinic today for the big bucks. i still haven't gotten the big research gig at ppd because i am still too fat. i am using all my will power not to smoke and not be a dope about nurses, i have none left for not eating carbs. i have officially passed the two weeks mark of not smoking cigarettes (or other things for medical uses). i am a genius! with will power of steel! and resolve of mule! and the mind of a medical prodigy! and the heart of a tiny,needy kitten......

i am a base defender

2004-10-26T09:30:00.000-05:00

I am a Base-defender.

What's mine is mine, and I make sure everyone knows it. Nobody invades my space without permission - I'd destroy everything I own before letting someone take it from me. I tend to be forward-facing, which is both a strength and a weakness. What Video Game Character Are You?

blamblo's been busy

2004-10-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

sorry, my dear patients, not to write for a few. i was either too tired or out and about. wednesday i saw this amazing surgeon team perform. they were all gypsies and i never knew watching surgery could be so fun. thursday i took a day off from the hospital and just basically lay in bed all day reading medical journals. it was very slothful of me. the next day though, i more than made up for it by working at double shift and helping many people with their pain and sufferin'. that night i went to the bar , saw various people, like the staff from the old sacred heart hospital, and nurse shark. played some pool, drank some vodka sodas. met up with not-a-date. purchased some 6th st. pizza. we went on to someone's house and played trivia pursuit (i lost, oh if only they had had operation). then there was a BIG STORM. it rained and flashed and boomed and the wind blew for many hours. we drove on mopac pretty slowly, there were no other cars around. i spent the night at not-a-date's. i woke up tired and hungover and i had to rush to the lesbian, buddhist wedding i was required to attend. while i was there, i saved someone's life and also met some lesbians who just moved to town. i felt weird all day. (my friend dr. dececco spells weird, wierd). then i went over to my two ear,nose,and throat specialist friends' house for a whiskey and water and a little catching up. it was fun, until captain asshole came in and started maddogging me from across the room. i acted nonchalant and guilty at the same time. so i left. i cant afford to get punched in the eye, i'm a surgeon for godsake. so that's the update. email me with your aches and pains. sometimes, i feel lonely in austin, even though it seems incredible that that emotion could peek out from the constant flow of people and events. but don't worry about me, i have my work and my accessories like my stethoscope to make me feel better.
love to you little boddhisatvas,
dr. blamblo

dr. blamblo and mr. pissy

2004-10-19T18:02:00.000-05:00

awoke from annoying dreams. thought immediately of nurse gardener and that made me immediately cranky. also had guilt all day about making myself too comfortable at my temporary living quarters. need to spend more time out and about with other doctors or something. only went to the hospital for a few hours, it was too bloody hot there. went by doctor supply and bought a special scalpel. also decided to not eat carbs for a week to try and lose that ten pounds so pharmaco will accept me. i generally, as a medical doctor, am against low-carb diets. also as a person with taste, i find the current fad of talking about carbs all the time aesthetically unpleasing. but a dr.'s gotta do what a doctors gotta do to lose the gut real quick like. i had pepperoni and cheese for lunch. today is day 5 of not smoking. maybe that was why i was so grumpy today. either way it was best not to treat patients much in that mood. i could prescribe someone something really mean if they pissed me off...
more on a brighter day later,
adoringly yours,
dr. blamblo

somebody should operate on girls

2004-10-17T15:49:00.000-05:00

because they act so weird and make no sense really. another non-date with not-a-date and she spent the night. no fooling around, which was fine with me really. but lots of cuddling and talking. fun all around. except for the plague and threat of captain asshole. i mean i dont really care to date not-a-date, but i dont need to be involved in secrecy and deception. and if captain asshole finds out, i'm sure to be the recipient of dramatic bullshit. i need this like i need my perfectly made surgeon hands cut off.. so i told not-a-date, that i would no be acomplice to any more lies, we can hang out in the open or not at all. sounds harsh. but i never really sound harsh because of my bedside manner.
last night was fun though. some anestheseologists brought a party to the party, which raised everyone's spirits. i had gin and tonics when i was around the other mds and then lonestars later around civilians. i had actually a pre-non-date with another girl who always flirts and ditches. then later i met up with not-a-date at a super-square party. but dr. psw was there and that was a treat indeed. we swapped horror stories. squirters and hemorrhagers and stuff like that. i failed to help him get a hottie's number when my clickey pen was out of ink. but i told him i'd drop by his office on thursday with not-a-date who has said hottie's number. also i stole a whole pack of hershey's chocolate bars from the party. sometimes i just get kicks from pretending to be poor.
i have to rest up good today for my interview and patient load tomorrow.
adieu my fine friends,
my best,
dr. blamblo

the anesthesia didn't work...

2004-10-16T01:20:00.000-05:00

just got home from a date? well one of those hanging outs where maybe it's a date and maybe it's not. no one knows for sure. i think that's how my last relationship started... anyhow, usually you know at the end of the night, so i guess i would have to put this in the non-date category as i got kicked out in favor of the ex-girlfriend, captain asshole, my lesbian archenemy. but it's all cool, because i feel apathetic about it. i didn't smoke one cigarette all day. i had that surgery and it went pretty well. 5 hours of operating for an amputation. i'll have a clean up tomorrow with the patient. also the hospital lent me a jetta to drive around which is nice and zippy. austin is keeping me busy, busy. i feel like i should slow down and pace myself though. my not-a-date tried to tell me i wouldn't like new york, but i don't believe her. i'm sure it will be overwhelming. but like i said to her, i'd rather be overwhelmed sometimes, than underwhelmed everyday. besides the new hospital for social research is a great opportunity for me to improve myself as a doctor. and that's in new york. i have a phone interview with them on monday.
crossdress your finger for me,
love and stuff,
blamblo m.d.

d day

2004-10-15T10:54:00.000-05:00

i'm quitting smoking today. i've said that before, but well, we'll see how it goes. i am also hungover today. had dinner with specialists ace and hale (potato soup, bread and greens, yum) and drank some wine then we went over to the new hospital, Rosenthal General on greenwood ave. and had a big fire. i loosened up and really drank some whiskey. next thing you know i was passed out on a cot and my stethoscope was missing and someone had written. dr. dumbass on my forehead in sharpie. ah well. that'll teach me to let my guard down. i have surgery in a couple of hours over there at Rosenthal. a tricky procedure, high risk, not a lot of doctors willing to do it, but i've always been a maverick m.d. plus i need the work. my reputation isn't what is used to be in this town.

dr. fatso

2004-10-14T16:23:00.000-05:00

apparently those damned researchers i was going to work with a pharmaco think i'm too fat to be a medical doctor. if only my bmi were 32 or 30 but it's 33. apparently i need to lose ten pounds. hello dr. bicycle everywhere and goodbye dr. eating sweets. this doctor can't get his big payoff until he loses ten pounds and quits smoking or else people change their mind about what's normal and healthy. bahhh.. things are always more difficult than they should be. at least for me. other people seem to float by on the breeze like they're on a frickin magic carpet. oh and then there's the people who are "shit magnets" (phrase coined by dr. donie). i wouldn't put myself in that category, but things are never easy or at least they haven't been in a while. i miss nurse gardener. when i think about her, i feel lonely. but there are so many people here to visit with that i haven't seen yet.. i should not feel so lonely. not here. besides doctors aren't supposed to have emotions. only prescriptions to make things better.
for now,
yours truly
dr. blamblo

austin is sick and it needs me

2004-10-13T16:29:00.000-05:00

well i'm back in texas. i stopped in el paso and my mortician friend offered to let me watch an embalming, but i've seen too many dead bodies in my time. nurse shark and i had long drive here, we almost hit a deer, but i'm glad we didn't because i've never operated on a deer before. it's raining, something that never happened in san diego. it's nice indeed. i missed this kind of rain. not like that cold, soaking new york rain when i was walking around central park like a dope. talked to nurse gardener today, i think maybe i can get her to drop the charges. she'll never work in this town again, though.
got an email from an old... (friend's not the right word, maybe friendly acquaintance) and that was nice. have work tomorrow with dr. donie. it's nice to be back.

smooches,
dr. blamblo

today i killed a patient

2004-10-10T22:02:00.000-05:00

today i went to a crappy restaurant called pokez (pronounced pokeys). they did not have coffee. they had soft drinks, but no coffee. i was like, i'm a doctor, i need my coffee, do you want me to fall asleep performing surgery? and they said whatever dude. i said how am i supposed to do my crossword without coffee? even though i know all the answers to the anatomy questions, i still need the juice to fuel my pen. and they said do you want a burritto or not? i said fine i'll have the burritto. i'm never going there again.

this doctor needs a doctor today. i feel tired, sapped of energy and that slight beginning of a sore throat. i prescribed myself a day of laying around but it's not having any effect. also i drank have a bottle of juice. if nurse fatchkins was here she would know what to do. she would make me a yummy stirfry or something. maybe nurse shark will make me tea if i ask nicely. more likely she'll do it, if i make it an order. i am a master of human relations. just dont ask nurse gardener who recently quit and is filing a sexual harrassment suite against me.

tomorrow i'm leaving san diego, because no one is sick here and going back to austin where they really need a good doctor. i plan to work closely with the researchers at ppd pharmaco. i also plan to start on my second career as a professional poker player, specializing in texas hold 'em. and also my third career as a trashy romance writer. all three things designed to make women swoon.

goodnight dear patients.
take your vitamins.
kisses,
dr. blamblo m.d.